finally u posted it here -.-'

it'll be a mess -.-'
i'll post a chapter every day, i don't wanna post them all togather xD

hahaha ok np xD

sasi i love this story especially that im ur cousin
where the hell r the other chapters ?

@ Amoureuse de Bill: That made me smile
@Lalush-TH: eh ich weiss im postin them gradually

Chapter Two


“Hey there,” Bill surprised me as he caught me coming out from the cookie’s shop. I smiled at him. But… what is he doing again? This is the second time he comes around the cookie’s shop.

I stopped, without saying any word, waiting for him to reach me. “Well, you know, the night after the concert Tom had met Olivia. I don’t know what’s up with my brother but he seems so into her and he even invited her to watch a movie with us today,” he said with his cute English accent.

“Yeah, she told me,” I smiled, although inside I felt like envying her, but she’s my best friend and she was happy.

“You know how it would be. My brother and her would be pretty busy with each other,” he winked at me.

“Nah, I don’t think she’s this type of girl,” I said as I walked, and he walked along as if he knew this road very well. As I gathered my thoughts I realized something important. I was walking with Bill Kaulitz. Not that it sounded amazing because he’s a celebrity. It’s just the love I had around him made me think that if this ever happened, I would be busy squealing and asking for photographs, or maybe I would be the one chasing him, forcing our lips to touch. But it wasn’t like that; he was walking with me like normal people. Perhaps this was due to the fact that not all people recognize Tokio Hotel in Lebanon, and I was very thankful right then.

“I don’t think she is either, but I don’t know. Most of the girls end up in his room,” he talked about a fact that I already knew and memorize, and that made me remember my conversation with Olivia last night. She’s afraid of this, she’s afraid she might be well, another girl.

I looked at Bill, who pouted a little like a cute puppy at the mention of Tom’s room. He then got back his normal expression, reminding me of the reason why I get dazzled every time I look into his face. He smiled; that was why.

“Care to join?” he offered friendly, still wearing that impossible to resist smile.

“Well I am not sure, I think I’ll be hanging out with my cousin, we do this every Saturday,” I said, remembering our weekly activity; walk on the beach, eat Arabian ice cream from the vendors pushing their carts along the seaside, meet some random friends and play water fights. That was a Saturday routine.

“But you can delay it for another time. You have all the Saturdays left in the world for you and your cousin. So at 6 Pm, I’ll pick you up, deal?” He said with sparkling hopeful bubbles in his eyes. After double thinking, I found no damn convincing reason to say no. I mean, I do have all the Saturdays left for Lara, but not for Bill. After all, it could be my chance to be his.

Seriously, what am I talking about? He didn’t even invite me on a date. It’s just a friendly chill out in his brother’s room, with Olivia there too.

“Yes 6 Pm would be great,” I nodded. He clapped cheerfully, and this clapping only looks cute on Bill. It could really brighten one’s day. He waved goodbye as he walked away. I continued my way to home. How sweet he is. His smile is so true, it could show all the happiness, and somehow the pain in his heart, perfectly. At that moment, I wished something that always broke the silence of my mind in the times of need, or happiness, I wished he could ever be mine.

But that’s impossible. We’re different. Quite different.

“Wait, I don’t know your address,” he said as he ran towards me and stopped inhaling and exhaling unevenly.

“Oh yeah, stupid me,” I said as I grabbed a paper and a pen from my bag.

“You’re not stupid,” He said, eyeing me with those immersed-in-chocolate eyes, his lips parted in a quite seducing look, or what seems to be. Moments passed quickly and then I looked again at the paper.

“Any taxi driver can take you there,” I told him as I gave him the paper. A fancy car drove across the road and its engine cooled off in front of us.

“Bill, get in,” a sexy English accented voice called Bill, which I knew was Tom’s. He waved me Hallo from inside the car. I waved him back, and then started processing what just happened now. So, I get chased by Bill Kaulitz, and then am waved to by his twin, Tom Kaulitz. Besides that, I am going to watch a movie with both of them. I was so into Kaulitz world, feeling unconscious, dramatizing the scene a little, but what I felt at the moment was very normal. They were very normal.



***





At 5 Pm, I was already dressed. I was so excited somehow, although I was really hesitating about it first. The minutes were passing really slowly just to mock the hell out of me, stupid watch.

“You’re dressed so fast!” Lara said as she entered the room. “And early, too,” she said as she looked at the stupid, slow watch hanging on the wall.

Lara was the example of the helpful cousin. She’s always there for me; if she was a boy, she would definitely be my boyfriend. She had brown eyes, light blond hair, and an average body, slightly curved around her hips. If I would chose two girls who I can never let go off in my life, they would be Lara and Olivia, both the closest to my heart.

“Yep, I am really excited,” I said as I checked up myself on the mirror, and it wasn’t really the first time. She sat on the bed, surprised of how many times I looked at the watch per a minute.

“You really like Bill, don’t you?” she sighed.

“You know what I think about this guy even before I met him,” I said as I sat beside her. She nodded. “But I am not sure if he likes me back, or was it Olivia who asked him,” I said worried, thinking about it for the first time.

“I am sure if it was Olivia, she did that because she loves you and she would like to see you happy,” Lara said.

“Yeah, but-”

She interrupted, “Just have fun, and don’t think about it. Take it easy,” Lara said. She stood up and looked through the window.

Few minutes later, “They came, it’s Bill, Tom and Olives in the car,” Lara said. I jumped from my place and checked up myself again on the mirror. I kissed Lara’s cheek and ran to the door.

When I opened the door and saw three heads from the car look me with shocked eyes, I realized how fast I was.

Stay calm, I reminded myself as I converted my run into slow heavy steps towards the car.

Tom was driving and Olivia was sitting in front seat beside him. Bill was in the back. He opened the door and stepped out, leaving me space to enter.

“Hey,” I said friendly as I entered the car, trying my best not to shake for I was going to be less than one meter close to the guy of my fantasies.

“I am glad you came,” Bill said as he entered and closed behind him. Tom looked at me, it was the first time he’d be that close.

“We didn’t meet. I am Tom” He said as he shook hands with me and I laughed. He raised an eyebrow and stared for a while… finally it popped up in his head; I already knew your name Tommy.

On our way to the hotel, Tom and Olivia kept talking about cars and sports. Olivia liked this sort of activities. She’d always been a sport lover and she was always interested in the newest models of cars. I didn’t show any interest, this wasn’t the type of conversations I’d share in. Bill was the same. He tried to participate, but yeah, he failed, cutely.

“What do you do Sasi?” Bill asked as he gave up from trying.

“Student,” I said as I half-smiled.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Bill said out of late realization. “How old are you?” he asked again. This kind of questions wasn’t really my favorite, but I guess it was the only thing to discuss by then, my age.

“Fifteen and two months,” I said. Seriously, this two months thing seemed stupid. Bill’s eyes widened in shock. “Does age really matter? I thought it’s just a number,” I said as I sighed. I hated when I was reminded by how young I am… especially that I am hanging out with 20 years old twins.

Thankfully, Bill didn’t comment. We arrived at the hotel and to Tom’s room exactly.

“We brought Rings & Swings,” Tom said rolling his eyes as he inserted the desk in the DVD player.

“Seriously,” Olivia looked with drowsy eyes.

“Don’t blame me, it’s Bill who chose the film,” Tom explained.

“I’d rather choose this romantic tragedy than your stupid meaningless action films,” Bill said. I smiled. He’d been always this kind of guy; romantic and deep.

Half the movie passed and we were sitting the same position. Tom was lying on the couch with a popcorn bowl on his laps; Olivia was beside him grabbing an amount of popcorn every minute. I sat on the other side of the couch and Bill was beside me, totally distracted by the film. I stared at him for long intervals of time. He didn’t notice that anyway. He had all his senses taken by the film, when there’s a kiss, he’s smiling sweetly. When there’s a good bye, he’s putting an upset face. When there’s a laugh, he grins cutely that I preferred to watch him react than watching that film. Every time he grinned, I smiled without realizing it. My mind and heart agreed on one thing for the first time; he’s too cute for a human.

The last scene I could remember included a really long hug. I had no idea what was it about since I spent most of my time analyzing Bill’s reactions. An ending song popped up suddenly; credits falling on the screen. Bill clapped cheerfully and gave me a peek on my cheek. A quick one. I am sure it was because he was so happy for the ending, and even Tom and Olivia were distracted that they clapped too. Processing the fact that he just gave me a warm quick peek, I blinked and tried to stray my eyes away of him, keeping myself from a distance.

“It was spectacular!” Bill clapped again. We were both standing in the kitchen, waiting for Tom to get dressed. Olivia was in Tom’s room too. I looked at him wondering what he was talking about. He raised an eyebrow, “The film, it was amazing!”

I looked away as I spoke, “Yeah sure, one of the best films I ever watched!”

White lie.

He opened the fridge and checked for something to eat as he asked, “What do you do for fun Sasi?”

“I write read, swim, joke, cry, dream, and the list go on,” I said as I forced my body up and sat on a shelf.

“Interesting,” He said smiling as he danced his eyebrows up and down with that mhmm sound.

“What about you?” I said anxiously.

“I write if I have something to express. Or else, I’ll just sit, not quite much the answer you were expecting,” he said, closing the fridge in surrender.

I nodded. He’s right actually. He sat beside me and sighed. “I wish I’d have my normal life back at times,” he talked and I sensed him get relieved after he was done. Looking at him sorrowfully, I reviewed back all the old interviews inside my head; from his complains about non-private life, to his wishes of living like normal kids, shopping and filling his own fridge with his own choices, reaching his satisfaction about the success they- Tokio Hotel – had reached.

He continued, “Sometimes, I just feel like I have to take a break of all this. Travel somewhere where nobody knows me, so that I could walk normally not worrying that in every corner I’ll face the flashes of the paparazzi’s cameras. It becomes annoying most of the times.” Seeing him express and trust me saying such things, I felt like hugging him then…

“I am really grateful I came here to spend some time. At least people stare at me for how strange I might look at them, not because they recognize me as the famous Bill kaulitz,” he stopped and cleared his throat. “Besides, I met you.”

Met me? I blinked, and then noticed he was staring into my eyes and so I smiled. “I am glad I had the chance to meet you personally, too. You’re one of the few people who would affect someone’s life deeply, and being around you is kind of,” I said, realizing I couldn’t find the right word. “Well, it’s just, I am grateful as well.” Did I complicate him enough?

“Thanks. The most surprising of all is that Tom is hanging out with Olivia, well, for two days in a row. Surprising,” he said, smiling heartedly, and speaking that cute strange English accent. “I bet my brother is falling in love. At least, he’s crushing hard if I could say.”

“He’d be very lucky. Olivia can’t be missed,” I said and it felt like flirting my best friend, but I didn’t mind. Bill

We stayed quiet for a long while. I was playing with my hands, something I usually do when I am nervous; especially that none of us was speaking. But Bill, he was looking down, his lips pursed in a small pout.

“What’s wrong Billie?” I asked whispering.

He sighed, “I don’t know.” He lifted his head up and looked at nothing in particular, just to the front.

“You can trust me,” I said the words with my heart pounding. “You could tell me what’s bothering, perhaps I could help you.”

He hesitated a little then put my left hand in both his hands, questioning, “Will you be my friend, Sarah.”

I would be lying if I denied how cozy my heart felt then, and how fast this question made it beat. Just friends. But that was way too much for me to process in one day. It could be the beginning of a friendship, or whatever. I don’t know.

In my moments of observation as well as enjoyment of the touch of his soft, warm hands, my words drifted by themselves after the realization of the fact that he was waiting an answer.

“I could be your best friend.”

---
Being friends with Bill Kaulitz would be a dream to anyone.. wouldn't it? ;]

Dude i just knew it's you SAFAA

Chapter four




We finished eating and everything went alright. Bill looked so much better, or he was just a good actor. Olivia was so happy when she was around Tom. I got to know more about Tom that night. He wasn’t that type of a guy that I thought he was. Not that I thought he was bad or something. But he wasn’t even as womanizer as the media showed us, he just liked that reputation, but he was a sweet shy boy as well. Although he had his perverted moments, romantic behaves took place when he was around Olivia, too.

Georg and Gustav joined later. It’s the first time I meet these guys after the concert backstage. Georg was so funny, he always made us laugh so hard. Tom would always mock him and point out to his faults, if he hadn’t made them up already. They changed the atmosphere around the table. Honestly, I think they shall make some clowning program together; it would definitely be the most watched worldwide. Gustav wasn’t as silent as he is always on TV, he was sharing and laughing. I felt like it was the first time I knew him since his voice was rarely heard.

I enjoyed my time so much, and the best part about it is that Bill was laughing and smiling with us. It just was enough for one day the pain he let out, he needed to laugh a little. Still, every time he looked at me, it felt like there was something in his teary eyes that I couldn’t understand. He wasn’t crying, but every time he laughed, his tears were about to drop, maybe from the happiness and the harsh laughing, or just the pain was locked severely in his eyes.

“It’s almost 11 pm. Can’t you see we’ve spend a little too much in the restaurant?” I told Bill teasingly; well that what sounded to be though I didn’t mean so.

“You’re right,” he whispered. “You want to go have a walk?” he asked as sweet as always.

“Yeah, a walk could be great,” I smiled.

“Guys, we’re leaving,” Bill told everyone on the table.

“Come on, it’s early already,” Gustav said.

“We’re having a walk,” Bill corrected.

They all nodded smirking and I guessed they thought a little too far. Both Tom and Olivia winked, except Tom winked at Bill and Olivia winked at me. I and Bill shrugged and walked towards the door.

We walked out the restaurant; it was suddenly so cold outside. Bill folded his arms across his chest and then rubbed his hands around his arms; I could tell he felt so cold.

“We can get back in, Billie,” I suggested.

“No, let’s walk somewhere away from here,” he gave me his hand as usual; unusual thing was, his hand was cold this time. It all looked so cute, the hand holding thing. We walked through the foggy ways not knowing the road at all.

As we walked, we finally found a familiar place. It was the same park we rested in today. We walked through the trees and then to the park. It was empty, so we headed to the bench we sat in earlier this day. Bill’s sight was lost in the skies. It was so dark, but the stars decorated the sky perfectly. “Do you enjoy looking at the stars?” He asked still distracted by the scene.

“Well, at the times I feel lonely, I enjoy doing it. But I hate it when it gets too stupid,” I said frankly.

“How stupid?” he asked looking me in the eyes. I peered my eyes away, trying to avoid his heart melting eyes.

“Like when girls start lying saying stuff like ‘I had that star following me everywhere, I called it Taby…’ It’s all so made up,” I explained. He laughed and it made me look funny. But but, I am not funny.

“I love your eyes, totally gorgeous,” he flirted looking right through my so gorgeous eyes.

“Seriously Bill, how can you see my eyes when it’s so dark?” I noted mockingly.

“I wanted to tell you this when we were in the restaurant. Every time you looked at me with those green sparkling eyes, I felt hypnotized,” he explained. I smiled without realizing it, but I loved it. “And your smile too,” he continued flattering me.

“That’s too much,” I laughed. He grinned then sighed.

It got colder and we got closer, until I was laying my head on his chest. I didn’t know how this was defined in the friendship’s dictionary, but I was just too fascinated by his smell to think about it. His chest smelled like a mixture of Oudh, agar wood and some kind of old perfumes, the one that will keep you dizzy for a whole day. I loved it, I always had a great connection with such smells, and they drove me crazy. Yet, my eyes were getting heavy. I let them shut for few moments and then opened them, but everything seemed so blurry, until everything seemed so... Dark.

I woke up on my phone’s ringtone ‘I’ll get down on-’ I quickly opened the message.

“Hey sexy, wake my twin and get him back to the hotel, David is waiting. Oh & I got your number from Olivia, I didn’t want to wake Bill up, it’ll be different if you did ”

It was obviously Tom. I reread it several times, especially the last line, “It’ll be different if you did”. I looked at Bill; he was asleep and probably dreaming. His smooth hair was flying with the breeze. He always let it down when he’s here, he doesn’t want any attention. His pearly lips were closed perfectly, but stretched in a little innocent smile. I was still in the same position, his arms where around my shoulder and my head was on his chest, so close to his neck.

I looked at my watch, it was 7 am, and the sun was still rising slowly.

“Bill, wake up,” I whispered to his sacred ears. He murmured something about skittles again. I shook him softly.

“Wake up, it’s morning,” I whispered again. He opened his eyes slowly. His eyes caught mine. I smiled at him. He smiled back and yawned as he lifted himself upright. So we probably fell asleep in the park. Weird how neither aunt nor Lara called, I guess Olivia told another lie.

“How did we fall asleep?” He asked as he fixed his clothes.

“I have no idea,” I curved my eyebrows. We walked our way out and right to the hotel. As we approached the hotel I said, “I’ll have to go now.”

He pouted but then smile, “take loads of care, bestie.” With that, he sent me inside giggles and oh-how-lucky-I-am feelings.



***



“Did you have a fun sleepover party?” Lara said excited. I understand now the lie Olivia came up with.

“Yeah, the best slumber party I had in a while,” I lied.

“You didn’t even invite me! I am mad at you by the way,” she said folding her arms on her chest, stressing her lips in a childish pout. I grinned and headed to the bathroom to wash my face. Inside, I looked at myself in the mirror. I and Bill are officially friends now, but why is he doing this to me? If he really wants to be friends with me does it really need to include holding hands, sleeping in the park together and exactly on his warm chest? It’s not that I am not feeling good about it; it just means more than friendship. I don’t want to doubt about his feelings and get a broken heart at the end.

The day passed just like any other day. The cookie’s shop was nearly empty, so I didn’t move a lot. I felt so bored while sitting in the corner trying to count the hours until my shift ends. I expected Bill would come in any minute, but he didn’t.

As I went out from the shop’s door, I glanced the dull sky preparing to rain. We were in July, why would it rain? It was 5 PM, and I had to stay more than my time because someone was sick and couldn’t come. I walked to the way home, but I crossed another way. I crossed the long way where I’ll pass by the park.

The way started to get foggy as the first rain drops touched my pale skin. I felt so cold and I tried to cover myself with my shivering hands. I passed by the park but I couldn’t get in, it wasn’t the best idea in such a weather. I tried to hurry and go home before it rains harsher so I didn’t have time to sit on the bench, imagining Billie beside me.

Walking under the cold drops of pearls, I almost slipped many times, specifically with every thundering sound and every flash of a eye blinding lightening. Suddenly, I felt my leg tremble with the sounds, almost tripping on one of the small rocks on my way just when warm hands grabbed mine and pulled me into a warm safe chest, and then into a warmer soft kiss.

I felt my lips mix into his. My body was shaking as I tried to wrap my hands around his neck. He was bending a little to reach my lips. It was so strong, passionate and warm, but held some tension. A kiss under the rain, just like fairytales. Then I felt the warmth passing through my lymph, raising the temperature of my blood and body. This was my dream, but now, it’s all pure reality.

We’ve continued this kiss stronger, and my heart was beating faster and faster. Then he held my head with his soft hands. Minutes passed so quickly, and the taste of his lips was getting me more and more thirsty. I was so thrilled and then I tried to manage my inhale and exhale.

I suddenly realized we weren’t alone in the street so I broke the kiss. I backed up a little and then looked into his eyes. Aw Billie, he couldn’t look straight through my eyes. Then he let go a bewildered smile that soon was converted into a satisfied enjoying one, which brought a red color and oriented my cool cheeks.

He suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me to his chest. He wrapped his arms around my shoulder and walked me to a near restaurant, without saying any single word.



***



“I am so hungry that I’d eat the place,” I muttered as I sat.

“I’d give you my heart to eat,” He said. I smiled. I’ve never heard this phrase before, but it was cute. We’ve ordered for the menu. “What do you want?” Bill asked gently.

“Anything not meaty and not so veggie,” I said, travelling my eyes through the meals. He raised an eyebrow. “Something hot, you choose,” I said. He laughed. “Hey don’t go so far,” I laughed too. “A second thought, I’ll just have a pizza, small size. I don’t know what else to eat,” I said and gave him the menu again.

“You-” He said and I interrupted, “I don’t eat meats, or vegetables. Don’t ask why because I don’t know myself,” I explained.

“Weird” He muttered.

“Thanks” I smiled. I seriously didn’t know why, but from all the food in the world I enjoyed five meals or so only. First, I didn’t like all the kinds of vegetables and hated almost all the types of peas, beans and such. Second, I disliked meat, not because I loved animals because deep inside I believe they were made to be eaten, unlike the animal lover in front of me; well that was because my body rejected meat, chicken and fish in some way, I would puke and have abnormalities then.

However, back to the fact that we were having lunch, alone, after we just kissed, my thoughts rushed so fast and were too much for me to make them out clearly. Now after we kissed, I didn’t know what category should I put myself and Bill in; best friends, make out buddies, or lovers? I just didn’t know.

Chapter Five




“Are you okay?” Bill asked as he took a sip from his cola. I nodded and smiled. I didn’t want to tell him anything, not now.

“The rain stopped,” I said. “Can we leave? I am sick of locked places”. He nodded.

We walked out and he stretched his hand – as usual – for me to hold as he cleared his throat. “We’re leaving after tomorrow,” he started. I held my breath for a moment. “To France, we have an interview with NRJ radio. Then we’ll head back to Germany, we’re invited to some TV show,” he continued.

“And you’re not coming back?” I asked, frightened of the answer.

“Not in the coming six months,” he announced. I couldn’t look at his face; I just didn’t want to see how he felt about it. I didn’t even want to think about it. What I wanted to do is just slap him, kick him, hard.

“But, why?” I asked, hesitating a little.

“New album,” he answered monotonously.

“But Humanoid isn’t even one year old!” I said a little over reacting, and let go of his hand. He stood in shock.

“I didn’t know this would bother you this much.”

I thought about it for a second, maybe he didn’t realize what he put me through when we kissed. Maybe it didn’t mean to him what it meant for me.

“I am sorry,” I murmured.

“It’s okay,” he said as he pulled me back to his chest. Why would he always pull me to his chest?

As much as I enjoyed walking with my head laid on his chest, I felt the need to push myself away so I won’t feel those painful butterflies. The thought of him considering that kiss as an accident, or something friendly turned those butterflies into knives.

“Can you take me home, Billie?” I asked as I started to realize that we were heading to the hotel.

“Won’t you like to spend the night in the hotel?” he asked.

“Not really. It’s getting dark and I need to have some rest,” I said.

“As you like,” he said changing the way. I started to let go of our hands slowly until I became totally free.

“Thanks,” I muttered without looking at his face as I knocked the door. He left without any word, or any voice.



***



At 11 pm, I felt already sleepy. I lay on my bed staring at the stuck stars on the ceiling, those that glow in the dark. I hated staring at stars, why am I doing it now? Am I really in love? Why does he want to leave now? After he cursed me with that kiss. Ugh! I thought he’s staying for a vacation. That’s unfair! Maybe I just need to face him… No, I’ll look… Ugh I don’t know how I’ll even look. I am not ready to face him; I’ll just swallow it and get over him. That’s it.

I wish I can.



Another cold day, where’s the global warming when I need it? The shop was crowded in an unusual way. I bet most of the people got in just to avoid the stormy weather out. July is being weird.

“Hey sexy,” Tom said as he took a seat.

“Hey,” I grinned. “What are you doing here?” I asked as I tried to ignore the old woman asking for service behind me.

“Just wanted to try something new,” He said.

“Where’s Bill?” I tried to sound casual.

“In the hotel.” He started looking through the menu. I wanted to ask why he didn’t come, but I just stood there waiting for his order.

“Young lady come over here,” the old woman shouted again. Tom grinned. “I’ll be back, my shift is over in 6 minutes,” I said, with little embarrassment. I counted the seconds as I served the woman. Yes, it’s over. As I took off the apron Tom waved me to come and sit beside him.

“It’s delicious,” he said as he took the last bite from his pie.

“I hope it’s not just another compliment,” I muttered smiling.

“You want to go in a ride?” he asked. I looked at him with eyes full of questions marks. “There’s something I need to talk with you about,” he explained. I just nodded once.

His car was warm, thankfully, unlike the wet weather outside. I started to hate the rain.

“Yesterday, when Bill came back, he was so dreamy,” He started.

“Dreamy?” I asked, trying to figure out what made him ‘so dreamy’ among all the things that happened yesterday.

“Yeah, and I am wondering since you’re the only one he spends his time with, about what happened yesterday. He wouldn’t talk or anything,” he continued. I must tell him, I must tell him.

“Nothing.” I can’t tell him.

“Nothing?” He asked.

“Yeah, nothing important. We had dinner, that’s all,” I lied. He tried to focus as much as he can on the road. “You didn’t ask him?” I questioned.

“I tried, but he said that there’s nothing important, and I must have got used to this situation since a long time, which confused me,” he answered.

“Oh…,” I slipped with my thoughts to the other world. Things are really confusing. Even Tom doesn’t know what’s wrong with Bill.

“Did you know that we’re leaving tomorrow?” He asked.

“Yeah, Bill told me yesterday,” I said, trying to hold my eyes from crying.

“Since Bill knew this, he started acting weirdly. I wonder what bothered him about leaving a country this time,” he muttered.

Bill was bothered about leaving? Does he.. Does he like me? Was that the reason why he kissed me, a good-bye kiss? Tom started another subject, but I wasn’t concentrating. I wanted to know how Bill felt about me… I needed to know.

Tom turned off the car in the hotel parking. We actually arrived to the hotel, and I didn’t even realize that. “Where are we going?” I asked.

“To the hotel, to eat,” Tom said as if it’s obvious.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked again.

“But we were just talking about it, what’s wrong with you?” Tom raised his eyebrow. Damn, I must have been in another world. I nodded and walked with him.



***



“I see you brought Sasi with you,” Bill said as he smiled, super fake smile, as I took a seat around the table facing him. Tom gazed Bill in a way that I couldn’t see, though I was looking from the corner of my eye. It felt like they were both supposed to meet, without me.

“How are you?” I tried to be nice with Bill. Gosh I loved him. He was pulling his hair backwards, and he had slightly thin eyeliner.

“I am fine,” he sighed. We ordered food, and I ordered pizza as usual, something that’ll fit my weird eating habits.

Bill and Tom were exchanging gazes and eyes conversations all night. “I have to go,” I excused as I stood up.

“Wait,” Bill said, on his face a forced smile. I looked at him. “I need to talk to you,” he continued.

“Okaaay,” I said waiting. “Talk.”

“No, alone.” He said as he looked at Tom.

“Fine,” Tom sighed and left us.

“So what’s up?” I asked, curiously. I wished it could be the thing I am looking for.

“It’s not for an album,” he said.

“What are you talking about? What album?” I asked.

“We’re not leaving for an album. We have to spend these 6 months there for another tour actually,” he explained.

“And why did you say it was for an album?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I was afraid of your reaction,” He said.

“What reaction? It doesn’t matter whether you’re leaving for another tour or for a new album; you’re still leaving, right?” I asked.

“Yeah, German fans want us. Russian fans, US fans. They think we simply forgot about them because we’re not touring much there. So David said that we must do a mixed tour here and there,” he answered. “You know I will miss you,” he continued, as he looked down with sorrowful eyes.

“I’ll miss you too. You shouldn’t have said that it’s for an album. I mean I am a fan and I understand,” I said.

“I promise you I’ll be back as soon as possible,” he said as he held my hand in a way only lovers can hold their hands with.

His eyes, chocolate brown magic, sparkling bright bubbles, deep black lining… I melted in those.

“Bill,” I sighed.

“Yeah.” He looked at me like a little kid.

“Do you love me?” I asked. The words slipped from my mouth. Stupid me, I can’t even control what I say and what I don’t want to. He looked suddenly surprised. He stayed silent. I felt so embarrassed. He sure didn’t love me. Wasn’t it so obvious when he asked me to be his friend? I felt so drugged as the moments of silence increased.

I let go of his warm hands and decided to leave before I lose the last remainders of my dignity. I stood up and walked away. It was still raining, yay me. I walked alone into the dark night. A walk I used to like in the past. An umbrella stopped the rain from touching me. I prayed in my heart it would be the one I want. Yet, it was Tom. How close!

“I’ll drive you home,” he offered as he walked me with his umbrella.

“I prefer walking now,” I muttered.

“You want to talk about it?” He asked.

“It’s embarrassing. Plus, your brother is a character in the story. Go ahead, ask him and laugh at me,” I said, angrily now.

“Calm down. I am sure you’ve got his silence wrong,” he said.

“So he told you,” I said smart assed.

“No, you think I’d miss watching my brother acting stupid with girls,” he said.

“Hey! Your brother isn’t stupid,” I give him a slight kick on his elbow. It hurt me actually. He smirked. “You can leave,” I said without looking at him.

“Okay I will. But make sure not to understand bill’s actions wrong. He’s really sweet from the inside,” Tom said. I know… I know he’s sweet!

“Just leave,” I begged.

Again, I spent a horrible night watching the fake glowing stars on the ceiling. Why is all this happening to me? I don’t really deserve this. Ugh I should end it tomorrow. I must face him.

I wish I can.

I woke up so tired. My eyes were swelled, I probably was crying the whole night.

“You look like a witch,” Lara said as she had a glimpse of my look.

“Shut up,” I frowned. I entered the bathroom and washed my face several times, then looked at the mirror. “Why the hell did you kiss me?!” I screamed at the mirror. I looked at the watch. Damn! I must go work.

The weather was back to its normal state. Hot and annoying, thankfully. I hated summer, but I had to love it by force. The force of my anger on everything related to rain.

“Sasi,” Bill called from far away as I was walking towards the shop. I looked back, my heart pounding in my chest.

“What?!” I shouted without moving.

“Come here,” he waved for me.

“Who wants me can walk and reach me,” I shouted back and continued my way. He ran to me swiftly and stood behind me. His fingers slipped into mine tentatively and I let him. He pulled me into his safe chest like always, but this time he knew I loved him.

“We’re leaving today afternoon,” he said, still gasping.

“Yeah,” I said, already alarmed.

“I want to spend the day with you,” he said.

“You’re definitely crazy,” I laughed.

“Please! I can talk to your boss,” he pleaded.

“I don’t care about my boss, neither about you,” I forced the words to come out. Lie, lie, and lie. Then, I pushed myself away from him.

“What?” he asked disappointed.

“Please Billie, leave. You’ve ‘caused me a lot of pain the past few days,” I tried to let him leave now, both ways he wouldn’t stay for me forever.

“It’s not my fault that you understood things in a wrong way,” he said. I felt so incredibly shocked, hurt… I wished mother earth would’ve swallowed me just then.

“You’ve used me,” I concluded, disappointedly.

“No! I didn’t use you,” he defended himself.

“Why did you kiss me then? Tell me how did I get this wrong?” I said as I dropped a tear.

“Don’t cry. I just… No I didn’t use you,” he said hesitating.

“Tell me why did you kiss me then?” I shouted.

The tears occupied his eyes. I knew Bill well. I know he wouldn’t use me or trick me. Still there was something that was keeping him from talking, expressing. I waited for his answer, even if it’ll take him too long. I just couldn’t handle any more questions. I wanted the answers.

“I don’t want you to live the pain of love. I don’t want you to miss me and hate life ‘cause it’ll separate us from each other for long times. I don’t want you to live this-” He posed a little and wiped his tears then mine, “-It’s not a life that’ll suit you anyway. You’re not ready to have your simple life taken away from you. You’re not ready to have your privacy stolen, and to be watched in every single part of the day. That’s all.” I didn’t say a word, my body already shaking eternally.

“You know I love you. I felt it since the first time I saw you. But you… You just looked so innocent that I didn’t want to expose you for all this. I shouldn’t kiss you, but my feelings were so strong. Forgive me if I ‘caused you any pain," he finished, looking down.

I forgive you dude ;]