Trace My Past

Subject: Trace My Past Wed Dec 30, 2009 6:43 pm

A new fanfiction again ! I hope you like it guys and i hope you liked my previous ones! This is kind of a new umm...groove . Sad story but adventurous!

It's all Bill's Point of View.

Chapter 1 :

I never thought it would get this serious. I never thought death would separate me from her warmth, her affection, her connection. She took her last breath two days ago, her eyes shut, keeping away from me her beautiful green eyes, her body motionless, making me feel the emptiness. My tears are frozen, they wouldn't escape my eyes. I'm left traumatized here with my only daughter, Anna. She's 13, a young blond teenager with her mother's green eyes, her nose was as perfect as mine and the same was for her smile. Every night, she would come to me and tell me " I'll never accept another mom, no one could replace MY own BIOLOGICAL MOTHER ". As if I had the heart to move on and re-marry some selfish woman. I'd reply " Don't worry dear, I'll never love someone else than your mother ".

Anna was stubborn, creative and adventurous. She would spend her days alone in the woods with her four pets, 2 dogs and 2 cats. She didn't really have friends just because the people were jealous from her, from her father's big fortune from fame. She took ballet classes on wednesday's to pass her time with some distracting activity and I had to pick her up.

I had to spend 1 more year in Lebanon and I'll go back to Germany, my mother land. When I would be with her, I wouldn't care where I was, she made everywhere look like heaven, with her endless love that she gave to me. I could still feel the place she took in my heart, she'll never leave it. After her death, I would sleep on the side of the bed where she did, I would follow her paths and I kept her voice in my head. Her will was for me to move on and re-marry, she just wanted me to keep wearing that perfect smile on. However, I couldn't think of another girl. She was my kind of girl, she was me.

Wednesday 9 PM, I went to get Anna from her ballet class. She was outside waiting for me in the rain, pulling off an aggressive face. "What took you so long dad ?!" she complained as she shut the back door. "Horrible traffics here, one year and we'll go back to Deutschland" I replied with a sigh. On my way back, I realized Joanna's friend walking on the street, the one who was with Tom for a few years and left him for an unknown reason, yes her, what's her name, mmm...Sarah! Just to be friendly I offered her a ride to the residence she wanted to be at. She accepted the ride and got into his luxurious car breathing continuously. "Oh, thank you, Bill! And I'm sorry for your loss. She was a great best friend for me, too" "Oh and hey there, Anna" Sarah said. "Hi" answered Anna with a reluctant tone. She recognized Sarah from the pictures her mother left her of the days she spent when she was her age. She remembered that her mom had written "Sarah is somehow my twin, she loves Bill like I do". It kind of made Sarah her enemy, she didn't want her to become part of the family.

"No problem. How have you been?" I questioned as I looked at her, she had Joanna's same eyes, the same look. She reminded me of her in every way, in every thing she did...Should I? Or not?.

To be continued.

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:21 pm

KTIR AWSOME MAN
MIN WEN BETJIBILE HAL IDEAS
yalla more
w plz dnt make us w8 like the previous ones

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:33 pm

min sou2 l 2a7ad walla firje Razz

ahahahah ma khassik Wink

<3

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Thu Dec 31, 2009 10:58 am

;P Amazing shall i say?

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Thu Dec 31, 2009 11:07 am

hahaha thankss=p <33

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Thu Dec 31, 2009 11:18 am

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Thu Dec 31, 2009 11:03 pm

First: Joanna ur a really gr8 writer that I had to use that wafi dictionary gay thing to know some words
Second: U shouldn't hv killed urself, we could've been happy with the twins, Tom is from Bill's blood, isn't he
Third: AMAZING.. & Beautiful.. Poor Billie ..btw, If i was Anna I'd kill Sarah for sure & & I can't wait for ur next chapter
ily<3

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Thu Dec 31, 2009 11:26 pm

hahahaha mesh la hal daraje wlo Razz

!! mnii7 ba3ed ma katabet a Kaulitz Saga Razz

hahahahaha ilym <3 and thanks! Smile

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Sun Jan 03, 2010 12:09 am

Chapter 2 :

She looked at me with innocent eyes, but looked away instantly, leaving a brief reply, sighing "I'm okay...", "How's Tom?" she said in a broken tone. "He's doing well...I think" I answered as I stopped the car to let her leave. She paused before she opened her door, looking at me, her eyes filled up with tears and then said "Thank yo..", I interrupted her gratefulness by holding her hand as I told her "It's no problem". I felt weird, completely weird. No, no, that wasn't Bill Kaulitz holding Sarah's hand, NO. I immediately pulled out my hand from hers with a shock on my face. She gasped and looked at me with curious eyes. "Good night" I said making her leave the car. She waved good-bye from behind the window and ran into her house, avoiding the rain.

"What was that all about, dad?" Anna interrogated with hate. "Don't ask, I don't know what happened to me" I answered, regretting the moment I had come up with that action. "Oh really? Well, you always keep in mind what I keep telling you every single night of your life" she shouted at me. I couldn't disappoint my daughter, but at the same time, she can't tell me what to do.

We were back home, Anna wouldn't talk to me. She was really furious about what I've done and this shouldn't continue. At the moment, I had no solution because I actually have no idea what's happening to me. I'm afraid I must avoid that girl, Sarah, it's like Joanna's soul lives in her body. I hope all will just go fine, I think I was just hallucinating so much, thinking she was my dead lover.

The next day, while Anna was at school, I went out for some shopping. I had the CD on in the car, the CD she left me, Joanna's favorite songs. They were all my creation, the Tokio Hotel songs. They guided me through the day, kept her soul alive in me. As soon as I finished my shopping, I rushed to the car so I'd be home on time, before an hour Anna would be here. For the second time, she was there again on the street, alone. Yes, Sarah, the girl, again! I couldn't resist not talking to her, she really needed a companion. I thought I'd invite her for lunch now, she couldn't not agree. "Oh my...this is my favorite track! Phantomrider! Oh my!" she exclaimed squeaking. I widened my eyes at her reaction of the song, not because she was just all crazy right now, but because the song was Joanna's favorite too. "What, Bill?" she said when she noticed my expression, "Nothing..." I replied, shaking away my dreadful thoughts.

Tom was at my home surprisingly. Sarah wasn't really pleased with seeing Tom again, but she managed to put the past behind. I cooked lunch on my own, and when I placed the meal on the table, the door bell rang, it was Anna. She stared at me when she saw Sarah there again. She didn't hug me or give me a kiss or even said Hello to me! She ran to her uncle Tom, she really loves him. However, she refused to have lunch with an intruder at the table, Sarah. "Come on, Anna, please!" Tom said, "Okay, Okay, I'll have lunch with you..." she replied, "Frikin stupid Sarah UGHHHH" she muttered staring at her with a discriminating look. "We will need to talk, Anna" I told her in a serious tone. "Tonight, if that woman won't be here tonight again" she said causing Sarah to look at me with shame. "Excuse me, Sarah, Anna misbehaves at times" I excused to Sarah forcing her eyes away from me. "It's okay, I guess" Sarah answered.

7 PM that night, Sarah had to leave to her home. I stood there at the entrance door, gazing at her brilliant eyes, the irresistible action. A frown was starting to pull on the edges of her lips, "No, Bill, you mustn't! It's better if you control yourself, you seem like..." she cut her speech over there. "Like what?" I asked curiously, "You seem like...you have...you love me" she said as she ran away immediately to the taxi car, crying. "Hey! Come back!" I shouted, but she's already gone. I shut the door with all my effort behind me, thinking about what she had said, what is it real? Or was it just her hallucinating?

Tom wanted to stay the night here at my house, he would sleep in that extra bed in Anna's room. Suddenly, later that night, my room door opened gently, it was Anna. She ran to me and hugged me so tight I couldn't pull her off me. "Daddy" she said as her tears started to slip down from her sweet eyes. "Hey, what's wrong my baby?" I said friendly, wiping her tears away. "I don't want you to forget mom" she answered as she was sobbing, she made my heart ache. "I won't my lovely Anna" I replied. "But what about that Sarah! Can't you see yourself?! You're in love with her! You forgot my mom!" she cried. Ouch, seems what Sarah had said is true...Did I really forget Joanna? No, no...this couldn't be happening.

To be continued.

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Sun Jan 03, 2010 4:44 pm

awww.. that was really good, complex and emotional Sad

Can't wait for ur next chapter<33

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Tue Jan 05, 2010 6:05 am

Wow, your fanfics are amazing! I read tha others and i think you're a very good writer, I loved them all. I can't wait to read what's next! Very Happy

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Tue Jan 05, 2010 12:01 pm

thank youu Smile

<33

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Wed Jan 06, 2010 5:08 pm

OMG KTIR 7ELWEEE AS USUAL <3<3<3

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Wed Jan 06, 2010 5:17 pm

dankee ;p

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Sun Jan 10, 2010 5:11 pm

Chapter 3 :

"Ohh...that Sarah..." I said with a sigh. I hugged Anna so tight because I didn't want her to feel insecure, she's from my own blood, her mother's blood too. "I hate Sarah, I hate her! I hate her! I hate her! " she repeated as she collapsed in my arms even deeper. It was a really touching scene, my eyes were pouring down tears of sympathy and agony. For God's sake she's my daughter! How could I be so heartless? For the night, she slept beside me. I was afraid she might do any harmful action, but now she's with me, I'll protect her. However, I passed the night thinking about how I had been at her age : Parents divorced, working with the band and...the lack of family harmony. I don't want Anna to live like I did, a painful, lonely, and stressing life. The question is, will I ever find a way to avoid Sarah?

I wonder if Sarah feels the same about me as I do about her. I think I have the answer, Tom will answer! He really knows her well, and I must know why they broke up. Maybe she'd do that again with me...Oh wait why am I considering her as my...girlfriend? What's happening with me?! I rushed to the living room to see if Tom was still chilling, playing video games and having some drink. Fortunately, he was available, and was surprised that I was awake. "Tom, I need to ask you some questions" I said pleadingly, "Are you sleep-walking or what?" Tom said as he giggled. Then he realized I was serious, "Okay, sorry...what's wrong, Bill?" he questioned, worried. "Does Sarah love me?" I immediately asked, my hands trembling, "She does, but Bill...trust me, don't go through this" he replied negatively. "But why!...I mean...she's just the same as Joanna, I can't differentiate! I want to know the secret about this thing" I said, "Look, the girl is nice, I loved her with all my heart, but it went all to waste, just because...", I interrupted Tom "Just because what!?", "Because she has a problem with her religion" Tom said, confessing. "Hahaha...what a big problem!" I said sarcastically, "Bill, it's not funny, neither easy!" He exclaimed, throwing away his video game console. I silenced at his reaction and felt really guilty, "What should I do, Tom?" I interrogated like a little child asking if the thunderstorm had gone away. "You're such a blind father! Can't you see your sweet daughter suffer from your blind love with Sarah?!" he scolded me. It was terrible, very terrible. I had no other way but to stay away from Sarah, or if I intend to be with her, I'll be losing my brother and my daughter. How nice...I already lost my beloved wife, or should I say "forgot". I can't forgive myself about that, I've done the biggest mistake in my whole life. "A few hours ago she came to me crying about what I'm doing, I'm such a disaster, Tom" I answered in a depressed tone. "How could you, Bill? She's your one and only daughter! You must be with her every second! Instead you go love another girl and leave your child behind! Love days are over for you, Bill! Don't you miss Joanna?" his voice broke at his last words. I shivered when he said her name, it still had effect on me. "I do...I do...I wish, I wish I could just have her in my arms for a long moment again" I wished, crying. "That's the Bill I know, don't you ever upset Anna again, and never forget that someone has loved you before, and if she was still alive now, she would've still loved you" he advised me.

I thanked Tom and as I walked away to my room, he said "Please, kiss Anna for me" and looked away wiping his lonely tears. I wonder how much Tom cared about Anna, I wish I had a heart like his, selfish me! "Sure, Tom...Good night" I replied. I entered back to my room, I saw Anna sleeping like an angel, I kissed her forehead as Tom ordered me. She didn't react, I didn't disturb her sleeping. Before I went to sleep, I placed Joanna's picture beside me and whispered "I never want to forget you, please God, help me". I hope this will do something, but mostly not.

Next morning, I woke up, all active, I had some plans to do. I called Sarah for an important meeting, I wanted to get things solved. We met at a deserted cafe, there was no one at all, except for us and the worker over there. "What do you need me for?" she asked me as she stirred her cup of coffee. "Look, I can't seem to avoid you...like it's impossible, and umm should I say "being" with you is hurting my daughter" I said. "Well, that's your own problem, I can't do anything about it" she replied, giving me a stare. "But can't you talk with Anna? Like make her feel that you're friendly and yeah you know..." I suggested. "Okay...I'll do it for you" she answered, hesitating. "Why don't you admit that you love me too?" I asked. She looked at me for a long moment, admiring my appearance, then she answered, biting her lip, "I..I love you more than I loved Tom". She blushed at her confession, and I was shocked about that...She loves me more than she loved Tom? Does Tom know about this betrayal? Anyway, it's over between her and Tom...it doesn't matter anymore. "Wow...I didn't know it was that much" I said with a surprised tone. "Believe me, THAT MUCH" she replied back, holding my hand. However, she looked down and let go of my hand and said "But we mustn't be together, we can't". Tom warned me about that, he was right, but I couldn't let go, I'm surely going to work this out. "Don't worry, as long as it's love we'll work it out" I said, washing her worries away. "I hope so" she replied, smiling.

Anna and Tom ordered lunch, I bet they have much fun together. On Friday's, Anna prefers practicing ballet instead of studying. She practiced outside when the weather is nice, like today. When me and Sarah arrived home, we stood at the entrance door, smiling at each other. "Everything will be fine, just sound friendly as much as you can" I encouraged her. She looked into my eyes, speechless, and so did I. As I reached to kiss her, her face in my hands, someone opened the entrance door, my heart dropped.

To be continued.

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Sun Jan 10, 2010 8:33 pm

THEY GONNA KILL US THEY GONNA KILL US Neutral

*freaks out & runs away*
okay srsly am havin weird times most probably cuz ive been studyin all day :S
anywayz, great chapter as usual joanna Smile

can't wait for the next one Very Happy

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Sun Jan 10, 2010 8:40 pm

hahahah ma7koom 3laykon bil 2i3dem Razz

hahahaha dont worry i understand the symptoms! Razz

thanks

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Mon Jan 11, 2010 4:52 am

WOW! He was about to kiss her! I love you

Who opened the door?! Shocked

That was so exciting, you wrote an excellent chapter, congratulations!! Can't wait to know the rest. Very Happy

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Mon Jan 11, 2010 3:03 pm

thankk you XD <3

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Wed Jan 20, 2010 8:09 pm

Chapter 4 :

When I turned my head to look who was there, a loud alarming scream rung through my ears. It was obviously my Anna, my sweet poor Anna. "Dad! You're such a liar, you're such a big fat LIAR!" she shouted with hate. Before I could speak a word, Tom reached to the door to see what was all the shrieking about. "Pff, I don't understand you, Bill" he said shaking his head with disagreement. He held Anna in his arms and took her away to his car. "You don't have a problem living with me, do you honey?" he questioned Anna as he caressed her and wiped away her tears. "No, Tommi, I'm fine as long as I don't see my dad's face again" she answered throwing back a stare at me. I stood still when I heard her saying those harmful words. I felt my heart rip to pieces, I looked at Sarah with my eyes dripping away my tears, then I walked away to Anna, but the time was late, Tom went off in the car. They drove off.

I didn't have anyone else besides Sarah now. Should I ignore her or should I stay with her? I don't want to be alone. I hugged Sarah tight as my tears fell down. She started crying too and said "I'm such a wreck! I ruined your life", "Don't let me down like them, please" I begged as my heart ached. She took my hand and got closer to my neck, approaching me slowly, kissing my neck sweetly, a shiver ran down my spine. I smiled, but wasn't that too selfish for me? How could she make me happy when I lost my brother and daughter? No, I must fix this up. "Sarah, please back off" I warned her. "I don't understand you either, Bill" Sarah replied, agreeing to Tom's words. She walked away and left me on my own, I was too hard on her.

Even though I knew Anna wouldn't forgive me, neither Tom, I'm going to visit Tom's home. I drove through his wide parking, stopped the car, and slammed the passenger door behind me. I rushed to the door, out of breath, my face, horribly wet with tears. Tom opened the door, and shut it back closed as soon as he saw my face. I hit my fists against his door, begging him to get me inside, or at least tell me that Anna is okay. Wow, okay, I'm terrifyingly lost, why do I care about her now? Why didn't I care about her before and avoid loving any other girl? Again, I blame myself for all this loss in my life.

He finally reacted to all my violent attempts. "What do you want!?" he shouted at me. "Is she okay?" I asked, falling to my knees. I felt so weak, I thought how much I hurt my child, my tears went down like an endless river. Well, my brother wasn't as heartless as I am, instead, he pulled up from the ground and let me in. However, he didn't let me see Anna. Anything but her. When I hid behind the staircase, "Anna, I'm going upstairs now, stay here, I'll be back!" he told her, smiling. I saw her beautiful eyes shining as she nodded to Tom's message.

"Can you please make up your mind, Bill" he said, walking around the room nervously. "No, I can't, Tom" I replied, hopeless. "Why the hell can't you see what you are doing to others!?" he exclaimed with fury. "I just can't let go off Sarah and now I think that she let me go too, where shall I end up?" I said, "This whole thing is just a mess! When you're a parent, you must compromise to let everyone around you happy, especially Anna" he replied. "I wish I was just clever as you are, Tom. I think I'm no good parent" I hesitated. "Then why did you get married? Why did you bring that child to life? Why, Bill, Why? Can't you see you're lost without Joanna?" he answered. "I am, I'm trying to fix this uncontrolled part of me with Sarah" I honestly confronted him with the truth. "Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, and again Sarah!" he screamed furiously, "Would you please leave my house and Anna will stay with me, forever. Until you're a good parent, I'll give her back, and I'll always have my eyes on your selfish actions, Bill! You better listen to what I say because I'm serious this time".

Tom allowed me to see Anna after this meaningless talk. I ran to her, my tears slowly shifting downwards below my eyes. I struggled to embrace her, she was pushing me away, crying too, and said "I hate you, won't you understand this?". I totally mistreated Anna, like completely. "Please, forgive me" I pleaded, holding her soft hand. "Never!" she assured me, releasing her hand from mine.

I left Tom's house with a shattered heart and a broken mind. I really couldn't focus on any other situation, I was so worried about Anna this time. It tortured me to death. Back to my home, it was empty, no sound, no mate. I sat on the couch in the living room, crying, smashing glasses, throwing pillows, letting it all out. No, I didn't have any sleep, I couldn't.

The next morning, I thought I'd pack up Anna's closet in a bag and pass it by Tom. To my astonishment, nothing was left in her closet, everything was with her. WHAT! Everything is with her!? Wait, wait, wait! I called Tom, his number wasn't available. Please, don't tell me he's gone to Germany with Anna! I dialed his phone number in Germany, a girl answered "Hallo, this is Sora", "Hey, is Tom there? This is Bill and I need to know now" I replied.

Well readers, you'll know in the next chapter if he's gone to Germany or not .

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Wed Jan 20, 2010 8:37 pm

JOANNAAAAAA <3 LUVVIKKK ANA!
lol i cant wait till chapter 5 Sad

this is awesommmeee

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Wed Jan 20, 2010 8:42 pm

SORAAAAAAA3 I LUVVIK MORE HAHA <33
you cant wait but you have to. thats total scheisse Razz

thank youuuuu Razz

<3

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Wed Jan 20, 2010 8:50 pm

Poor Anna & Poor Bill.. Sad

great chapter as usual! Very Happy

Can't wait to see what's next!! <33

Subject: Re: Trace My Past Sat Jan 23, 2010 3:29 am

Oh god! I loved it! But now Bill is alone and his daughter hates him, poor thing Sad

But did Tom and Anna went to Germany? Oh please tell me what's gonna happen!

Guest

thanks jaonna once again u made me cry =]
NOOOOOOO!!! i kant wait till ch.5 i must know what happens next!
Tom couldnt of taken Anna to germany... bill will die Sad

ugh ur such a good writer!