Special Needs [One Shot]

Subject: Special Needs [One Shot] Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:53 pm

This is a true story...all of it.
It's just a little thing I wanted to share with everyone and see who would relate to the same situation as mine.

It was about 7:00, I was waiting for the gates to open to enter the venue. Today, it was a big day for me, it was Placebo’s 2nd concert in Lebanon. The next day, I had official exams waiting for me. I didn’t want to lose all the information I’d studied, I had to pass those tests and finish off. Somehow, I was afraid of a breakdown, something was missing inside of me.
I was there with my girl-friends, enjoying my time with them tonight. As I was looking backwards, I immediately recognized my ex-boyfriend. I couldn’t help but run and give him a hug. However, I rapidly let go of him, with him giving me that weird look. I guess I just overreacted again. The way he looked at me, it reminded me of when we were together, but all I felt was emptiness. My heart was aching inside, I knew the wound he left was still there. We had a small talk as I tried to be normal and not sound like I want him back or something. I actually didn’t…
I was reminding myself all of the time about Bill, he was the only cure. Well, he was the only one who cured me when I and my ex-boyfriend broke up. After the brief conversation we had, he took my wrist, checking the bracelet I had on. “Hehe, Billie…” He said with complete sarcasm. Obviously, my bracelet said “Billie K. <3”, “Ehm, yeah!” I smiled with pride showing. Behind all of this pride, I was left broken inside. I remembered that Bill wasn’t there too…How could he be my one when he hasn’t done anything to me and he doesn’t even know me?
My ex-boyfriend just looked away from me. He was kind of jealous of what he’d just seen. I guess he got used to me since we left each other. The only thing I knew, loved, talked about, dreamt about, thought of, was Bill Kaulitz.
Later on, we both went separate ways, each one of us went with his own friends. When he left me, it left some bad feeling inside of me, like I was guilty of something. Then, I thought that my friends are here, and I came here to watch a concert and wash away my stress, not to get depressed. I pretended to move on and wait until they got us inside the venue.
When we got inside, we had to wait again to get inside the organized spaces for the spectators. I saw him from a distance, looking at me, but I just waved back. Why would he look back at me? Am I the same girl for him like I was before? All I found out from him was that he wanted me because he wants to lose his virginity. Why am I the one to handle this? I know there was a big difference between our ages, but it shouldn’t be a problem to stop our love. His needs weren’t what I’d tolerate and go on with it. Since he knows I’m still young, why would he ask for that? He must know the answer himself.
In my opinion, if it were Bill, he wouldn’t ask me for that. First, he’s all romantic and respectful. Second, he wouldn’t get close to a girl just to lose his virginity. Well, sometime, it will happen and we will all lose it. Everything has its own specific and perfect time. You know, some things happen in the wrong moment. Doesn’t that look so wrong enough? That’s how you’d feel when you’re not in the right place.
After I was in the standing area with my friends, he was calling on my phone. I looked behind me, and I found him there. He didn’t call me because he needed me, well there was another friend of mine there. She was his other ex-girlfriend’s cousin, actually one of my best mates. He lead me to her, but he didn’t talk to me or anything. When the arena was all packed up with spectators, I kept checking up behind me, looking at him.
What was I doing to myself? Some other days ago before the concert, he told me he’d kiss me if I was next to him in the concert. It got me a little bit excited, but somehow felt great guilt again. I felt as if I was betraying somebody, but I wasn’t in fact. It was this Bill thing inside of me where he’s considered as my boyfriend, the love of my life. At that moment, I knew what decision to take after I was thinking of going back to my ex-boyfriend and give him a little kiss. The decision is: I’m never looking back, I won’t kiss him, I know Bill is there, somewhere.
The concert was finished after about 2 hours when we were in the venue. I looked around everywhere, but I couldn’t find him again. It seemed that he left the place or he’s just hiding away from me, avoiding me. All I could do was move on and go back to the car and leave home.
The next day, exams went great, I was ultimately satisfied. As soon as I went back home, I felt so bad, a breakdown was starting. I didn’t know the reason for this depression, I guess what’s missing inside of me is love.
When I called for you, Bill, I couldn’t find you. When you say you’re by my side for a little while, you’re not even there for a second. When you say you can’t make it all on your own, well what the hell are you doing there by yourself? You were never there for me. I lost my chances for you, just to be with you. You never showed up. What I have to say to myself is, will this last forever, or will I change to a normal realistic person?
I still wonder why I would break my heart for you when you never knew about me. I just wish you’d know how I kill myself for you, how I sacrifice my own life and luck and chances for you. In the end, I’m cured by you, I don’t know how you do this to me, you deceiving thing. I hope you know how many tears I’ve cried for you, I hope you feel the same way I do, I hope you suffer the same. That’s what we call compromise…

Comment if you have anything to say about this.

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:57 pm

I love every single word.
it's deep and true! not all people understand this but who cares!
i know this feeling of guilt.. i guess it'll be always there.. well ela 3ind b3d el nas Razz

amazingly written! you deserve every bit of the sexy hot yet sweet amazing Bill Kauiltz, not anyone else! Smile

I LOVE YOU <3

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Mon Jun 14, 2010 11:00 pm

thanks sarah<3
i know laila midre min Razz

mritte -.-
oh well you know what i think about you =\ i hope someone else knows this feeling...
i may not deserve him...nobody knows =\ life is unfair..
i love you so much

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:33 am

This was great. I think the feelings you have for Bill Kaulitz can not be matched by anyone else <3.
As Sigmund Freud once said : "We are never so
helplessly unhappy as when we lose love."

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:38 am

Aww

<3
that is so true...
thank you for reading <3

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:46 am

No problem Smile

It was really great.

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:50 am

thanks again hunn<3

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 5:19 pm

I love it <3 exept that it was you who was suffering :/
It's difficult to find a guy like bill, but they're still there.. somewhere Neutral

If your ex wanted to use you then he doesn't deserve you. Wink

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 5:56 pm

nobody deserves Joanna actually but she doesn't understand how precious she is because she underestimates herself Special Needs [One Shot] Icon_mad

yes you do deserve him enuf said!! man those weirdo exes they shall die. let's do a hitler holocaust lol xD that's only for exes -.-'

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 6:51 pm

@Aesha: Im always suffering... :/ thanks anyway<3 i know he doesnt deserve me...
@Sarah: trust me bill is not for me...he'll find someone else...ill be stuck alone

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:13 pm

well your story is great and it remainds me of one of my relationships, it was the worst one. it's so sad when ppl takes you for their needs not for who you are.And it's so sad when you love someone who doesn't even know that you're in the same world as him,doesn't know that you need him,doesn't know the pain you feel,doesn't know anything ,and you start wonderin does it worth to wait for him or you just have to let all this dreams go away? and if he's not the one why your soulemate doesn't show up to erase all this pain ?

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:21 pm

well jojo have some hope and stop thinking about someone else Smile

he might be urs as well -.-'

Safaa: couldnt agree anymore!

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:23 pm

Why Sarah

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:35 pm

couldn't agree anymore means i agree with every single word you said :d except if i got this sentence wrong all the time lol

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:40 pm

hahhaa it's okay,it's just me who didn't got it Very Happy

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:49 pm

:/ i really dont know what to say...from all the pain i get and shit, i think in a very negative way..:/

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:15 am

I just read your story, and I have to say that every single word you say is so true, I feel exactly the same, and I think that we shouldn't suffer for someone that doesn't even know we're suffering because of him, that feeling of guilt, I know it very well, I don't know why it is there but it is, deep inside me....
Still, I think you should get a chance to know Bill, tell him everything you tell us, maybe he feels exactly the same or i don't know. I know you will meet him, i can feel it, as strong as i feel that fate doesn't want me to even see them in a signing session, it's been very clear after the two times they came to Mexico, and maybe, if there's a third, i'll probably wouldn't be able to go. But you, you have something that tells me you will, actually, i think everyone could have a chance but me.

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:16 am

Sorry about the long comment... guess i said too much Razz

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:08 am

wow cofie :/ its okay if its long i dont mind xD..well maybe you're rightt...:/
you all give me hope guys :/ <3 i love you

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:31 am

Yeah, I would also say that you deserve a guy like Bill. Who's caring, sensitive, cute and loving, a guy who has a little less flash and more substance, and a guy who's smart and gentle Smile

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:54 am

i wanna ask:
why me? Im pretty sure that im not the only one..

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:58 am

People always go for what's inside the heart and you're a very good person.

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:10 am

what if im not enough for him..

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:22 am

Who knows maybe you are good for him.
It can even be that you think that you are not good for him, but actually you are perfect for him.

Subject: Re: Special Needs [One Shot] Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:27 am

aww (:
well i dont wanna crush anybody else's dream over here.. i bet someone got jealous

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» Now It's Time For You & Me .:: Bill Kaulitz One Shot