Love's Never Theoretical, it's Touched [Bill Kaulitz Fan Fiction]

Chapter eleven.. at the end is the THEXTH BOMB dude what's takin u so long wheres the fucken new chapter? >_<"

Calm down 7yt I am still spell checking the previous ones it'll take me forever .. i dont have time to write in the new one -.-

Chapter Fourteen


“Can you leave me alone for a bit? I’d love to pack my bags,” I said as I opened the closet. Searching among the clothes, I didn’t find anything that I actually brought myself. “Wait, I have nothing here,” I muttered to myself. “They’re all yours, I don’t need them anyway,” Bill mumbled the last sentence under his breath. “Me neither, but I’ll take this since you threw everything that belongs to me,” I said as I grabbed the clothes I was wearing yesterday. I stuffed it in my small handbag and held it up high and then set it on the floor. “You need any help?” Bill said in what sounded like a whisper, his voice so calm yet so low. I glanced upon him to notice that he had a little tear in his eyes. He noticed and quickly wiped it. “No thanks,” I said as I went downstairs.

Heading to the main door, I gave a last look to the Kaulitz mansion. Simone and Gordon were busy chatting in the kitchen that they didn’t notice me. I heard Olivia and Tom’s sounds out and so I followed their trace. “Olivs, I’ll go now. Bye bye Tom,” I said leaving them behind. “Ugh wait, I’ll go with you,” Olivia exclaimed. “Wait we’re not done yet,” Tom called her as she ran after me. She suddenly stopped turning her body to face him again and said, “No, we’re actually done a long time.”

We almost forgot that we were dating the most famous twins in Germany until we faced the paparazzi that suddenly popped up from behind every single tree. “Damn it,” I mumbled. I held Olivia’s hand and we started fleeing. “Where are we going anyway?” Olivia asked while running. “Good question.”

wow, I didn’t actually think about this. “I think there’s a near hotel, I always see it, two blocks away,” Olivia said gasping. I shook my head trying to concentrate on my running, holding Olivia’s hand in one hand and the handbag in another. I wanted to look back, I wanted to see if Bill followed me, or at least stood by the door and watched me leave. But I couldn’t, I loved him but I needed to end it, and if I looked at him, I’d go all over him and change my way. Run to the kaulitz god sasi, run. But I didn’t.

We arrived to what seemed like a small old hotel. We quickly entered the entrance and sighed. “Two close rooms, please,” I said to the receptionist as I opened my pocket and tried to count the money. “That’s good enough for three days,” I said as I closed it. “I’ll ask my parents for money later,” Olivia said.

Each one of us rushed to her room and jumped on the bed. What would Bill be doing now? Did I hurt him? So many questions I had in my head that I couldn’t answer. I don’t know what I was thinking about too. I should’ve listened at least, I mean, all what he’s doing to me and I act like a stupid slut, it’s not right. Some things I must start thinking about from now and on… How am I going to live any way after I’ve lost something I always searched for? After I lost the only person that makes me feel secured.

His eyes over-hypnotizing, and every time he looked at me with the sparkly bubbles swimming in the chocolate pools of the two pieces of heaven hanged on his face, I reviewed it all. I even reviewed every time our lips touched, how I loved the feeling I got when the cold met the warm, when the pink met the red, when our fantasies met by a kiss, a little sip of flowing love. The best I could review was the warmth of his hugs, the unbelievable, cannot be described feeling, when I slipped into his amazingly smelling chest and buried my face in between his neck and body, letting my lips touch his neck softly, trying to control my breathing, exposing my system to a new sort of oxygen… to a precious sort of oxygen.

My tears escaped my eyes. But I knew what the second medicine behind him singing me monsoon was, Listening to a recorded one. It helped in old days, and I hope it would satisfy me when I can actually listen to him singing it while breathing, it would make my eyes stray but …ahh.. it was a good feeling.

I am staring at a broken door

There’s nothing left here anymore

My room is cold it’s making me insane

Yes, it was making me insane literally… But his voice made up a little… His voice made me yawn finally.



****

“I don’t Fking care, you know that!” I heard Olivia’s voice as I struggled to open my eyes from the heavy sleep. So, Tom must be there. If Tom is there, Bill has to be there too. Please God let him be there, for once. I rushed and put on a veil, washed my face and brushed my teeth hoping bill was out, hoping I could make up for what I’ve said the previous day.

I opened the door slowly. Olivia and Tom were still fighting. “Ugh thankfully you’re awake. Can you take this boy away and do a favor to humanity?” Olivia said pouting. I nodded disappointed that Bill wasn’t there with him. Is he still mad at me? A tear rolled down my cheek, I hated thinking about it.

Tom frowned and looked at me. I nodded again and opened the door wide and he came in. He slammed the door behind him. “Why can’t she just loosen it? I swear I didn’t want all this to happen. It’s all just fucked up and she can’t understand that it’s normal in every damn relationship,” He said shouting. “Calm down Tom, it won’t help. Relax, and keep on apologizing. She loves you so she’ll be back just give her some damn time,” I said angrily.

“And why are you angry?” His eyes furrowed. “I made a mistake with your brother, but at least he could’ve showed up like you did to Olivia!” I said as I let my body fall on the bed. “Ops, I was too busy preparing my ‘conversation’ with Olivia that I didn’t ask him anything,” Tom said as he took a thoughtful look. “He didn’t seem upset?” I asked raising an eyebrow. “He did, but I thought he was just upset at me,” Tom said as he sat in a chair. “What happened yesterday?” He asked.

“I saw those pictures when he kissed Erin and I got mad,” I said and shuddered at the memory. “Yeah, she kissed him actually and I saw them and she continued but Bill backed off. She was just pouring her anger and jealousy on him,” He said in what seemed like telling a story, somehow disgusted. I revealed my fangs feeling the need to kill her and just suck her blood and I just muttered,“Bitch.”

“So what are you up to? Aren’t you coming back home?” Tom asked. “I don’t know, first I need to make up for my mistake and then you need to make up your mistake and everyone will be happy again,” I said stupidly. “You’re right” he said. “We both better make it fast,” he continued and I nodded.

We talked for some time and then he looked at his watch and said, “You’d like to join for lunch? We’d pass by Bill and then I’d leave you two and you’d make up,” he said with a dancing eyebrow. “Seems great,” I said smiling… Finally.

I went to the balcony and tried to sneak my head into Olivia’s balcony as well. “Olivia,” I called. She came out to her Balcony and sighed. “Is he still there? Because I don’t care!” She said disgusted. “What you just said exposes how much you care,” I teased. She poked out her tongue. “We’re going for lunch, and I will try to apologize for Bill because of your stupid mistake that resulted in another stupid mistake by moi,” I said. “Whatever,” she muttered. “Just wanted to tell you, and I think you should start thinking about forgiving Tom… I don’t want to lose any of you!” I said and I entered the room again.

“You’re ready?” Tom said. “Yes I am.”

We went to their home, which was so near. As soon as we drew near, Bill’s car wasn’t parked out. Tom looked for a second and then said that he might be at the studio. So we decided we’d go to the studio and check. It’ll be the first time I’d go there and I was so excited, finally I’d see where my baby unleashes his creativity.

We parked in the studio’s lot and I was somehow excited but afraid. I didn’t know how I will face Bill inside. His audi8 was out and so another car, maybe his producer’s. Tom led me inside but suddenly he looked at the cars and got weirdly awkward with confused. “You know it’s not a good idea if you face him now,” Tom smiled, but he couldn’t fake it perfectly. “Why?” I said and I looked at the cars again. “You know it’s somehow not right, you just fought yesterday,” He said again, more confused. I shot another glance at the cars again and tried to decode his mind. “Who is it? Who’s with him inside?” I asked afraid of the answer. “Not important, David I guess,” He said. “Really Tom? It’s David inside? Are you sure?” I sounded like an investigator; I’d get in in any second and know who is it, although I just knew exactly who was with Bill inside.

“Just, we need to leave. You won’t like what you’ll see,” He said giving up. I slowly entered praying that Tom would be wrong and so my little mixed up mind. As I reached the opened door, I looked in and there was just the normal studio décor except with more artistic and luxurious equipments. Inside the recording room, Bill was standing holding the microphone and Erin was holding the same one and was wrapping her one arm at Bill’s shoulders. She was laughing her bitchy laugh, and holding a cigarette in the other hand, and so was Bill.

Tears were built up in my eyes, and every time she got close to him and laughed he laughed too, and I got warmer, somehow hotter, in an angry way, I felt like burning. I was now appearing fully in front of them, gazing the two of them pathetically, how did I miss what was happening here? Erin glanced at me and her eyes got deeply evil, her grin scarily wider as she wrapped her one arm around Bill’s neck, yet he looked at her hand uncomfortably but continued laughing like a jerk, still couldn’t see who was here to unmask the dirty truth. One big laugh thundered from their place and I gave the two of them one last look, when bill finally noticed me, and his jaw dropped open.

He quickly slid from her arm and threw the cigarette from his hand, as he stood astonished from behind the glass. His hair all brushed back, and his deep brown eyes creepily innocent, or at least pretending to be. I held my hand up raising my little weak middle finger, mom would be pretty proud of me now. Not.

I quickly turned my back and walked away; Tom approached me and covered me with his arms as he opened the car door for me. “Where do you want to go?” He said after we drove for like 10 minutes full of empty silence, but my crying voice. “Anywhere, I don’t care,” I said still crying a river.

“I don’t know what were they doing in, but I know that there’s nothing between them and I can assure you,” Tom said while driving. “Sorry Tom, but I can’t trust any of you two. And I’ll make sure I’ll get out of his life very soon,” I said as I grabbed a tissue and tried to wipe my tears while getting more serious, I needed to make a decision, and I need to make it soon. “What? Get out? What do you mean?” He suddenly stopped and we were at the sea line. “As you heard,” I muttered. “You can’t be serious! I don’t care what fault my stupid brother did, and I made a mistake and I regret it! I’ll get back together with Olivia and no matter what you have against us I won’t let you GET OUT!” He screamed the last word and my eyes widened. “Calm down Tom,” I whispered.

“You’re more like my family. You might not know this, but all the time when we were here and you were in Lebanon, Bill would never stop talking about you, what did you say at the phone, how did you laugh during a video call and what are the news from Lebanon. I felt like you were living with us and every time I saw how much Bill loved you, I loved you more. You know you’re my favorite girl, my twin’s only love, not Erin and not anyone else, and my only love’s best friend,” He explained and I dropped few tears. I wasn’t that surprised that Tom loved me this much, because I loved him too and he was always a part of my family… But what I cried over is the fact that Bill bored Tom from talking about me, just like I did to everyone. I would spend the day telling my best friends how his giggle melted me and how cute it was when he says, ‘I love you sasii’. Now I am confused.

His phone vibrated as he parked the car aside. He answered… and speaking of answering, he answered in German which I totally can’t understand. I always felt stupid behind the twins, yay me.

Bla bla… that’s all what I heard. “Bla bla bla bla Bill bla bla bla, nein, bla bla bla, okay Bill,” I heard. What? Bill? “What does he want?” I asked curiously. “Twins’ business,” Tom teased.

you said u gonna post 18 today!! @_@ I am mad at u now!

shut the hell up :] I don't have time!

Chapter Fifteen


“Let’s eat something. I can hear my stomach growling,” Tom said smiling his seductive smile. Oh well, that smile is always on his face actually, except when he’s with Olivia. It’s some another smile, it’s a passionate smile. And I still can’t believe that he was cheating on her all the time if he loves her that much! Kaulitz twins are weird. Speaking of weirdness, all the time I was trying to separate the mingled thoughts. I don’t know what I’ll be doing the next three days until Georg’s wedding. Like, I need to attend the wedding and get to meet Georg’s cutie, and Gustav’s hidden girlfriend somewhere. I feel like they’re my family…Am I even still a part of this family? I and Bill are lost, both and not me alone, because the look that took over Bill’s face when he saw me wasn’t filled with glee nor with anger. He was confused, regretful maybe, or lost somehow. We were both like that, and I don’t even remember how we got here!

We were the perfect couple all the time. From the very beginning, I remember the last summer I was working with my cousin in that cookie’s shop. I remember how the first time we met them back stage, and how we exchanged quick looks. I also remember that he came every day into the shop, and always followed me, treating me like a princess but not confessing a word. I remember exactly how I got my first kiss, how our lips trembled with the coldness of the rain in the middle of the summer. I loved rain! I loved it for I had my first kiss, but then hated it for Bill didn’t say a word, and then loved it again for Bill told me the three sacred words. Now I don’t know what to love and what to hate. My best friend needs me, and I am not there. Tom is a cheater and I just love him with my whole heart, what kind of friend am I? And Bill… Oh Bill! I don’t know who’s wrong and who’s right… We used to be the hopeless romantic couple, and now we’re just hopeless.

Wait, why am I talking with a ‘We’? I don’t even know what he feels anyway. I frowned. “Hey there,” Tom said while waving his hand in front of my eyes. “Sorry,” I said, waking up from my endless thoughts.

We both entered the restaurant freezing. It was so classy, with a weird band playing classic music, Ew. “I know! Like, couldn’t they put some rap band?” Tom said. Man, this boy reads minds. “Neither rap, nor classic,” I said as I took a seat. We both looked through the menu and a tall brunette came up holding a little draft. “Oh mein Gott!” she squealed and screamed at the same time. “Scheisse,” Tom said under his breath and I rolled my eyes. The last thing I need now is an obsessed fan screaming. No offense, I was a fan, an obsessed one, but I always tried my best not to look stupid. “Can you sign this for me?” she said as she gave Tom her draft, which was supposed to be the one that she would write our orders on. Amazing.

So the menu was in German and I had to say what I want to Tom, and then he would translate them to the other waitress. Yes, the manager took that brunette away when he noticed how dangerous the situation got, thankfully. “You know herb butter pasta is Bill’s favorite,” Tom smirked after he translated my order. “I didn’t know that,” I rolled my eyes. “Liar,” Tom muttered. “Okay I might have known this but I love it too and Bill has nothing to do with this,” I rolled my eyes again.

“I am stuffed,” Tom said after 30 minutes of continues eating. I finished in the first 10 minutes; I have a really small stomach, yay me. “Finally,” I mocked. He poked out his tongue… Man, he has a sexy tongue. Oh shut up dirty mind! The first thought I got was the taste of Bill’s tongue piercing in my mouth, it was only once that tongues were involved. What the hell! My mind is getting dirtier as long as I stay with the twins.

Smooth hands touched my shoulder and I looked up. It was Bill, in his full charm, sitting beside me. I glanced at Tom’s face who suddenly looked away, how innocent, not. “Hey,” Bill said in a low voice, cigarette’s smell was still coming out of him which made me shudder. I couldn’t take that smell at any time, but another sweet complex smell was mixed with it, which made me relax to the fullest.

“You can leave now,” Bill said after few minutes of awkwardness and silence. If Tom didn’t move, I would have thought he wanted me to leave, thanks God. “Or you can stay,” I said to Tom. “Or you can shut up,” Tom teased. “Whatever,” I murmured. Bill then straightened his chair to be facing mine. He looked through my eyes as I looked through his. The deeply hypnotizing brown pools of chocolate reminded me of the pain I was feeling, the pain I didn’t know the real reason behind, and so my eyes cheated on me and a tear escaped.

“Don’t cry,” He pleaded and it made my heart ache…Maybe his voice did that to me. “Why did you do this to me? I was going to give you another chance and for a second I believed that she kissed you. But then you were two, laughing like… Ugh,” I stopped, with more tears escaping. He came closer, and let his hand caress my face gently. I shivered and then removed his hand quickly. “I just wish I can keep you out of my head! I tire myself the whole time thinking about you and your stupid deeds and you think you can erase everything that easy?” I asked and he remained silent. “Your silence kills me Bill,” I almost shouted, and when I realized everyone was looking so I stood up, and walked away.

I hate my life. Did I mention this before? I don’t think so, and now I approve it. I hate my life. Why am I making of it such a big deal? Why do I have to always mess up?

Why am I thinking this way anymore? He shouldn’t be there with her if they don’t have anything together! They were laughing and he was having fun unlike me. I was suffering, feeling guilty for judging him. Oh wait, I shouldn’t have felt guilty, because if they were having fun means that he was relieved, he could have fun in public. Bill was never like that… He just caused a struggle between my heart and my mind. Heart says, “He’s too lovely to do this to you, remember how you slept once in the park together, and how his smell almost caused you breathing problems.” My mind says, “Don’t cause yourself pain anymore, he’s not worth it. He doesn’t even feel the pain you’re feeling.” I hate my brain, but I always use it.

Out there, paparazzi filled the street. They all raised their cameras when I got out. I pouted and tried to walk through them. I was almost squeezed when I found Tom in his car, surrounded by paparazzi as well. “Excuse me,” I screamed at one of them. “Are you in a relationship with Tom?” He said. “Hell no!” I exclaimed with widened eyes as I tried to reach the door. “Then why aren’t you with Bill? Did he cheat on you with the girl he was kissing? Are you mad at him?” Too many questions that tired my head. “Can you answer? Can you let go of some of your selfishness!” He then said angrily. I wanted to slap him but my hands were lost in the crowd when Tom got out of the car and said, “Your mama is selfish”. I laughed my ass off and then Tom grabbed my hands and opened the car’s door and we both entered from the same side.

“Those people are heartless!” I sighed. “You must have got used to this, Mrs. Kaulitz,” he winked at me. “Where’s Bill anyway? Poor him you left him to face those jerks alone,” He laughed. “I don’t think Bill is coming,” I said as I looked out of the window.

“Why?” He raised an eyebrow. “Your plan was a major fail,” I mocked. His eyes furrowed and he muttered something in German which sounded like a curse. “You know I am sick of this! I can’t even control what I want to do! I am so in love with your brother but something keeps me away, always,” I said putting on a sad face. “What? So you’re in love with him and you can’t just forgive him?” He asked as he started driving. “Yes, just like Olivia. I know she loves the air you breathe from but it’s hard to forgive, Tom, especially if you’re in a totally different world without the people who can help you make up your mind!” I said. I didn’t know why was I telling him all this, but I felt that I need to speak. “I make up your mind, Bill makes up her mind, it’s easy,” He joked. “No kidding!” I shouted.

He rolled his eyes and said, “I was just trying to cool down the atmosphere here”. “Well good job,” I mocked. “I am sorry,” Tom said and I stayed silent. “Can you put on some music? I want to take out your twin’s image from my head,” I confessed. He nodded and pushed the play button. Some German rap was on, but I didn’t mind, I just wanted anything to take off Bill’s image and his piercing blurry eyes. I loved him and just thinking about him, and thinking about what happened in the few days made me quiver. I wanted to live up a little before I go back to Lebanon, I wanted to go happy, proud that I am his and he’s mine and that I had the best days of my life there, in his arms. Which by the way, I thought will last forever.

We went back to the hotel, where I’d finally find peace. Lie, I’d only find peace in Bill’s arms. Tom took me to my room and while walking to it he shot a glance at Olivia’s room. “You want to get in?” I said meaning Olivia’s hotel room. “Not now, I’ll come at night, she’d be domestic by then,” He smiled. Not really, Olivia can’t be domestic. From my experience, she was mad, very mad. “I’ll see you later,” He said as he gave me a quick kiss on my cheek. It relieved me, and reminded me of Bill’s quick kisses, and long kisses as well.

I entered my room and threw my weight over the bed. I needed some sleep although it was still after noon. I took my headphones and my iPod out of my purse and turned on the shuffle. ‘An Deiner Seite’ was first. This song would always make me smile or die from the inside. I really needed him by my side, I needed his touch, and his chest to burry my face in. All I had here was a cold pillow, and so I buried my face and started crying. It all felt like fires inside me, why was I doing this to myself? I could just forgive him and get over it? I didn’t even see them kissing next time considering the fact that I misunderstood the pictures. But their laughs together killed me, and knowing that he wasn’t suffering as I did was a very cruel fact. I was dying and thinking about him and he was simply enjoying his time, and then shedding some tears in that restaurant, what a beautiful liar.

No, Bill wasn’t a liar… I heard this voice inside me, but I ignored it.

‘We are dogs unleashed, out of control, full of dreams nobody knows, unleash-‘ I heard my mobile vibrate as I opened my eyes. I quickly looked at the watch in my hand, I slept for two hours. Such a great achievement. I didn’t mind and look at the screen, I just answered. “Hallo?” I said. “Hey Sarah, it’s Nathalie.” Wow, all what I need right now is that fashion freak. Obviously, she’s the prey of my anger now.

“Yeah,” I said bored. “I am sorry, I called in such time, you were probably napping,” She apologized which made me sound like a monster. What I am feeling isn’t her fault any way. “It’s fine, Nat,” I said. “We’re going shopping today for last accessories, hope you’d come and bring Olives, she isn’t answering her cell and I was worried,” she said. “Well, she isn’t feeling well. I don’t think she’d come but I’d tell her. Who’s going any way?” I asked. “It’s only me, Simone, Melanie and Georg’s fiancé, Murielle.”

“Oh I haven’t met the last two yet, so where and when?” I asked. “We’d come by at 8 PM,” she answered.

I put my mobile away and tried to think of anything to do until the time comes. Olivia is probably bored, unless Tom is out there apologizing again. It seems fun to see someone who has been a jerk to you apologizing continuously asking for your forgiveness. Maybe it would be to her case, but with me and Bill, it looked somehow different. We were both lost and so I still can’t make up everything in my mind. Just two days ago we were perfect… And here I am repeating the same things again.

“Who is it?” Olivia asked after I knocked at her hotel room’s door. “It’s me,” I pouted. She opened the door, trying to remove her disappointed look. She was probably hoping it was Tom. “I missed you Olivia,” I said as I hugged her suddenly. We really haven’t talked like real friends in a long time. I sat on her bed. Looking around, I realized how cheap the hotel was. In my room, I didn’t have time to look, I was all thinking. But here, I remembered that we both had little money, and it’ll end soon. Yay us.

“So how are you?” I asked, after many moments of thoughtfulness passed. “I am fine,” She said as she sighed and sat beside me. Her lips curved in a deep sad face. “Are you sure you’re fine?” I asked again. Her face clouded and she was about to burst. “What’s wrong?” I said as I held her face up. She had beautiful green eyes, very close to mine, and a brown long hair, just like the one hidden inside my veil, but with less curls. “I don’t feel alright,” she said, dropping a tear. I looked through her eyes, waiting for her to continue.

“I think I love him. Yes, I fell in love with him that easily, how stupid I could be sometimes? I always knew he was a womanizer, a player, a guy who’d break my heart and would still seek forgiveness. If I forgive him, he’d repeat this again, and would think I’d forgive him always. I hate this situation. I hate choosing a life changing decision, whether to forgive him and make up, or let go and move on,” She said crying. She reminded me of myself.

“It’s not a life changing decision. We can live without them,” I said, lying. “How? Didn’t you fall for Bill? Don’t you miss him?” She said. “Yes, I do, which makes it harder. But sooner or later we’d have to move on. Our lives don’t depend on theirs,” I tried to reason. “You think so?” She said as I wrapped my arms around her shoulder. I nodded agreement. Wait, no, disagreement.

We talked a little, and I felt relieved. I tried to convince myself with what I was trying to convince her with, I was failing, still it was good to talk. We added little screams. We both screamed we loved the twins and then we screamed we hated them, and laughed at both.

Nathalie miss called me, which means she’s waiting down. “I was wondering, the girls are going shopping for the last accessories for the wedding. They’re requesting for you,” I smiled trying to cheer the mood up. “No, I won’t go for the wedding anyway,” She said. My eyes widened. “What? Why?!” I asked surprised. “Go now, we’d talk later,” she said as she looked from the window. “I won’t forget about this,” I said and rushed to meet the girls down.

I entered the car, which seemed from far away so girly. “Hey girls,” I said smiling, although I haven’t seen yet the new two. Not new, but the ones I still didn’t meet. I glanced at Simon who was sitting in the front, beside Nathalie who was driving and then corrected, “Hey Mrs. Kaulitz”. They all laughed, when I finally got to see clearly the one beside me. “Hey, I am Murielle,” A tanned cute girl, with honey deep eyes and dirty blonde straight hair said. I shook hands with her smiling; she was very beautiful and cute.

And then a familiar girl popped up from behind. Her scene styled brown highlighted hair, and her wide light eyes, and thin pinky lips, they all seemed familiar. “You didn’t recognize me yet?” She said with a fun tone. “You’re.. Meny, mella, melsey… Something like that. You’re, you’re the reason behind everything,” I said trying to remember. She so much seemed like the girl I met online, who gave a letter I and my friends wrote for Tokio Hotel. And they came, most probably, satisfying our request that was delivered by her.

“You’re Melanie!” I finally concluded. “Yes, silly. It’s good to meet you in person!” She said as we shook hands. I was still under shock. “You were-“ She cut me off. “Yes, I was his girlfriend all the time,” She grinned. “You’re… Wow,” I couldn’t find the right words. I always shared with her how much I loved Bill, my dreams and imaginations. “And no, I didn’t say anything,” She answered the question in my mind. I nodded and sat properly, trying to analyze everything.

She was Gustav’s girlfriend, all the time, and I always told her about Bill and my feelings, and she said she’d pass them the letter… Apparently, the letter was very easy to get passed, she was from the group, and she had Gustav’s heart all the time.



We had fun time shopping. Georg’s fiancé was very nice and beautiful. I could predict she was in her last 20s. She had a great fashion sense as well. The best of all, I had a good time with Melanie, she was pretty nice and awesome just like I knew her. The two of them were called by their boys, and somehow jealousy ate me slowly. I wished Bill would call at that moment. I swear if he did I would lose my mind and forgive him quickly.

While eating desserts in starbucks, Simon was gazing me all the time. I felt weird, and I didn’t know if she and Bill talked about it. I preferred not to talk in a way, when Tom called.

“Hey,” I said, as I stood up and excused the girls to bathroom. “Hey Sasi,” He said. “Where are you?” He asked. “I am with your mom, Nat, and the others,” I said. “Girls night out,” He laughed. I didn’t understand the joke.

“Anyway, when are you back?” He asked. “I don’t know, I think we’ll stay for less than 10 minutes because we’re done anyway,” I said. “Okay, I am waiting you by the door, Olivia didn’t open hers,” He stressed on the last words. “Sure,” I said as I ended the call. I got angry somehow, how many times have I seen Tom today? Many, uncountable. And Bill? He doesn’t even ask about me.

I tried to handle the left minutes in the café. Thankfully, Nathalie had to go home for her two little adorable boys have called many times. She took me to the hotel, and I was relieved when I saw Tom’s car down. I rushed to my room to see him waiting out, looking like an innocent kid. I laughed and he mocked. “Poor little Tom,” I giggled as I opened the door.

We quickly headed to the balcony and he snatched a cigarette. As he lit it, we both looked at the view, their house wasn’t far. I looked at it; from there I ran trying to escape from what I knew then. A cold breeze made me shiver, and the smoke coming out from Tom’s cigarette killed me slowly. Although Tom was there, staring blankly at the night, at the sky, I felt lonely. I needed him, I needed Bill so much. I started to lose hope that we’d ever be together again. Not when he was careless like that.

I felt angry at the moment, so angry that it made me want to cry. Just at the time Tom looked at me suddenly, throwing the cancer stick aside. I looked at him involuntary, through his chocolate eyes. They so much reminded me of Bill’s magical eyes. Oh come on, they’re twins. He came closer, looking massively seductive, playing with his lip ring. I didn’t know how to resist, how to turn away. I knew he was going to kiss me and nothing else. Did he think about me this way? No, of course no. He thinks about every girl this way, thankfully. I looked into his pearly lips now, and again, Bill came into my mind.

Out of nowhere, my mind was blank. Yes, our lips touched. He played with mine like a professional kisser; it made me almost melt. I felt his lip ring cool against my heat, and I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see Tom, I wanted to feel his brother.

“I love you, Bill,” I said, words cut by gasps. “I love you too, Olivia,” Then Tom said, and it made me relax… And enjoy.

i received a msg about this i thought u posted the newest chapter anywho, inti 3ayshi ha.. tom w bill togather :P w lip ring w2essas lemmie interact, how can i connecttt?

LOOOL laraaa bala fada2e7 ;D yep yep 2 be 1

Chapter Sixteen


Olivia’s P.O.V



Now Sasi came back, I hate this part. He’d be no longer begging on my door, because her heart would sympathize and she’d get him into her room. What feels great, he would be probably talking about me. I know, he need to feel the pain I am going through.

I just can’t believe all that time, when I was waiting him in Lebanon, and then fighting my parents to let me stay with him, he was there making out with that brunette bitch. Man, I wish I just didn’t fall in love with him; it’s all Sarah’s fault anyway. She was the one who stimulated me to go for it. Wait, no, I gave him a chance didn’t I? I gave him the chance to steal my heart and I gave him the trust not to break it. What kind of fool I was? I mean, he’s the famous hot Tom Kaulitz, he’s been always the womanizer, how couldn’t I think of the fact that thousands of girls want to be in his pants? He could just point at one, and she’d be in his hotel room.

Whatever! I shouldn’t be that mad at him. I’ll just have to go through the next two days, and I can return to Lebanon with Sarah. Oh my God, I’d feel pathetic there. Everyone thinks I am the luckiest girl, and now with cheating headlines, I’d be dead.

Okay, forget about it Olivia, and focus. What would they be talking about now? I tried to sneak from the balcony. Hopefully, he’d be complaining. I’d love to see him suffer.

No, I don’t! I hate to see him suffer. I am in love with that Kaulitz. I feel miserable.

I walked slowly and opened the door of my balcony. I tried to sneak my head. Just when I saw the vision, my jaw dropped wide opened, and my eyes blurred all by themselves and I turned my face away involuntary and then tried to back off slowly, trying not to disturb the… The what? I don’t know how to call them anymore, the friend and the boyfriend, the ex friend and the ex boyfriend, the two jerks, the hidden couple…. I couldn’t find the right words.

I felt my heart ache to its highest limits. I haven’t felt this pain before, even when it was Erin. I didn’t know her, she didn’t know me, it all was better. But, my best friend, Sarah? She was holding his neck strongly, her legs wrapped around his hips; yes he was holding her up, like we used to do. Their lips were mixing together, adding the night dark color, the angry miserable feelings.

They were fast, as if they were in some sort of fight. He was probably waiting for her to come. Oh how romantic Mr. Tom! He missed her that he was about to eat her face… I felt the pain grow more and more, I couldn’t help but hold everything and throw it, glass, plastic, wood, whatever that I saw was the prey of my pain, the prey of my disappointment, the prey of my shock.

I knew then what to do; I knew the right thing to do. I searched for my purse, and searched for my medicine in it. Searched for something I never dared to search for before. Yes, I searched for the drugs that I found in the room, and hid in my purse. I knew I’d need it one day, I knew I would suffer one day until I just can’t bear to breathe, because it would hurt. Why would I breathe if all what I’ll feel when fighting to live is pain… ? Pain, pain, pain. I know how to kill the pain.

I opened the small bottle, and snatched a small pill. I didn’t know its type, what would it do, how would I feel, how will I use it? I didn’t know any answers; I wasn’t looking for answers anyway. I was looking for the pain killer.

I swallowed it, without water, without anything. I didn’t even know if it needed water, I just wanted peace, I wanted to feel drugged, I wanted to feel… actually, I didn’t want to feel anything.



Sarah’s P.O.V



“You can put me down now,” I said after long sessions of hate and anger in the form of innocent kisses. He put me down gently, and I didn’t bear to look into his eyes. I would feel shame in a way. I bet he wouldn’t do this too. I was his twin’s so called girlfriend, and he was my best friend’s so called boyfriend. “I get to go,” He said confused. I nodded blushing. It didn’t have anything to do with being shy, I just felt embarrassed.

He closed the door behind him, and I took off my veil and my clothes and put on my pajamas. I felt like daydreaming about Billie. I still daydream about him, even after all what happened. I lie on my bed and turned off the lights. I just kissed Tom, and I actually enjoyed it. Which means, by the way, is that I can get over Bill? However, it was him who I was pretending to be kissing, not Tom. They had a very similar smell, the same lips and the same eyes, except, Bill’s kisses were always much sensitive, were always the cure and the magic, not the anger and the tension.

Remembering the softness of his peeks, I fell in wonderland.

I woke up feeling all heavy. I glanced at the clock, it was 2 after noon. What the hell? It’s the first time I ever sleep that long. I tried to stand up straight and then searched for some food, apparently, I had no food. I am not planning to call for room service either. A meal that I can eat in some dollars would cost me way much in here. Yeah, I was saving money, trying to live in this trash. I wasn’t planning to tell my mom about it too, I would just make up some story, and then tell her that living with Bill means touring around the world, and I am not interested in leaving my home in there. I am lying so much these days.

I put on some clothes, heavy ones and wrapped a veil on my hair. It looked very dull and cold from the window outside, and so I put on a heavy jacket. I thought I’d bring Olivia and we’d go have something to eat. As I slammed the door of my hotel’s room, I knocked on Olivia’s door several times, but there was no answer. I called her number and I heard the sound of her ringtone from outside, which was cut suddenly. She was inside, but why wouldn’t she open her door?

“I know you’re inside, you can simply open the door. Tom isn’t here,” I mocked. She opened the door angrily, her hair messed up and she seemed to be awake just by now. Poor us, we’ve slept so much these days. Eyeliner covered her face, which seemed to be a reason of crying. I guess. “What’s wrong?” I said as I entered her room. “Nothing really,” she slammed the door behind her. I sat on her bed, and saw an opened note book and a pen. I held them, trying to conclude what happened with her. She quickly grabbed them and muttered, “It’s not your business.”

My eyes widened, she seemed to be angry at me. “I am sorry. I just wanted to know why you’re mad,” I said. “It’s nothing important. I am just not feeling right, I hope you’d finish your business soon so we’d get back to Lebanon as soon as possible,” She said as she tried to put on a fake smile, and she finally raised her dark face, showing me a horrible scene. Her eyes were pools of bloodlust, and she had dark areas down her eyes. What did she pass through, I didn’t know. She was probably thinking about Tom. I wonder why wouldn’t she just get over it and forgive him when she’s being so suicidal that she looks like a Halloween doll.

Look who’s talking, Mrs. ‘Not going to forgive that Kaulitz’. Seriously, I must get over this too.

“Okay, I understand. You don’t want to talk about it. But can you just give me one logical reason not to go to the wedding party. It’s not Tom’s anyway,” I said. She frowned and then said, “I don’t want to see neither Tom nor any happy couple of this life. Now can you leave, I need sometime for myself in here.” She looked pretty upset and I didn’t blame her nor got shocked when she spoke rudely.

“Maybe you need to have some time out. Let’s go have some breakfast lunch or whatever meal right now, what do you think?” I smiled. “No,” she spoke blankly. I pouted. “Okay, as you like,” I said as I went out.

As I went out of the hotel, I was surprised to have paparazzi waiting out. Am I some sort of celebrity now? Oh wait, they have stories to investigate in. People’s relationships! They need to get a life. I tried to avoid them, but they followed me all my way searching for some food shop. “How do you comment on Bill’s kissing pictures?” One of them said. “I think you must go ask him about how he felt while doing it!” I said angrily. “So, he cheated on you?” he said again. “Yes, he’s a jerk actually,” I lied. He isn’t a jerk, he’s just a boy. More flashes blinded me. “Is Tom and his girlfriend still together?” A lady with a camera asked. “I am not Tom, nor Olivia. It’s not my business either,” I shrieked.

Thankfully, and after passing toss and turn in front of the shops, I found a little pizza shop. Great, the guys outside prevented the paparazzi from entering and I was grateful for them. I ordered vegetables pizza, away from usual, and waited.

Tick, tick, tick, the annoying clock in the shop wouldn’t get silent. It was straight over me, but there was a smooth sound of music that made the annoying sound lighter on my ears. I felt so lonely at the moment, just when I heard a familiar song and a familiar voice.

Gas and blood

Is all I’ve got

In you I trust

The final exit’s

Passing by

The wheels run free

Under me

It’s you I feel

A million sparks

Are falling down

I turn the wheel around

“Oh, great,” I mumbled. The last thing I needed now is his amazing voice. I tried to struggle, but this song had an effect on me. I remembered very much that time when I used to wish that the part where he sings, “I don’t know your name but still believe that now it’s time for you and me,” was for me.

It might have become true, but why it all turned out the wrong way. I don’t know, so I’ll just cry. I surrendered for my tears and buried my face on the table hopelessly. Yes, I loved you Bill and it killed me. Few minutes of silent crying passed when a cute German guy woke me from my miserable thoughts. He muttered something in German which I predicted would be, ‘This is your order,’ as he put it on the table. I smiled at him and said, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he grinned and then walked away. I quickly wiped my tears and started eating. It was the worst feeling to sit alone in a restaurant in a foreign country. The TV was on, celebrity news, I tried to distract myself watching and eating. There was news about Diane Kruger, a new girls band called ‘Suffix’, which by the way is a stupid name, and then… Oh then! Tokio hotel again, well actually it was Bill.

As usual, German confused me and I looked up to see just pictures. New pictures of Bill, and he was looking so beautiful as always. But there were night pictures too, for him and someone. I tried to zoom into the TV, which made me look weird by the way. It was Erin! Oh great! Her hands were in his, and they were getting out of some restaurant. My heart started beating unevenly. I felt insane and I just grabbed the cute waitress and asked him to translate.

“They’re investigating on their relationship and they mentioned his ex girlfriend,” He said. “What the!” My eyes widened. I was really becoming popular, in the worst way ever. Suddenly, a picture of me popped up. It was an old picture, and then another few pictures. They were pictures edited by me on facebook, and of me. I looked cute then. I smiled and then back to the subject, I shivered. “That’s you?” the cute waitress said as he looked at me. I nodded, and then rushed to pay and leave. I wasn’t going to stay in this shop anymore.

I hated my life, and I’ll always say it. Paparazzi were out, again. As I walked swiftly, I called Tom. “Hey,” he said. “Look Tom can you come and take me somewhere?” I said helpless. “Yeah, sure,” he then said. “I’ll wait you in the hotel’s entrance,” I said. “I am already going there.”

I closed the mobile and tried to run. I was just stuffed; I didn’t have the energy to do it. And I was thinking about forgiving Bill seriously. Now, really, he was going out with her on public. That was too much. I felt like killing her, but not killing him. I couldn’t kill him; he was too sweet to be seen dead.

I reached the hotel and saw Tom waiting in front of his car out. “Thanks God,” I said as I opened the car’s door by myself and got in. He got in from the other side. “What’s wrong?” he asked as he started driving. “I can’t believe your brother, he isn’t giving me the chance to believe his lies and forgive him!” I exclaimed. He looked shocked. “I am sorry, you’re the only one I can talk to,” I apologized. “It’s fine. I can’t understand my brother lately. He isn’t speaking with me too,” He confessed. “Really? Olivia isn’t speaking with me either,” I said as I lay my head on my seat.

“Why?” He asked. “I don’t know. She was just angry with no reason,” I said. He stopped, and his eyes widened a little. “What if she-” He said but I interrupted, “Sure no, and if so, she could’ve heard what we said after. I don’t think so. You’re probably the reason,” I teased and he calmed down.

“Your dress is at our home,” Tom said. “Oh, forgot it” I said. “Bill found it, I bet he was looking for your smell in what’s left from you,” he mocked. “Yeah, right,” I rolled my eyes. “So, we’d pass by home, the wedding is tomorrow you know,” he said as he parked the car. “You already organized this,” I rolled my eyes again.

We entered the house, and familiar laughs were vibrating all over the place. “Oh, please,” I said, and I knew well who was in. The last thing I need now is that bitch, and that cheater. I just can’t believe that I had a totally opposite idea of Bill. By the way, it hurts a lot, I felt like crying before getting to see them both.

Yes! There was no physical contact, I relaxed. They were just talking and laughing. Bill, he was so handsome, just too much for humanity. This made me regret that I ever met him! And she, wearing as bitchy as usual, her too short for skirts skirt, and her strapless, almost invisible top, was lying beside him. Bill looked at us with that ‘I’ll pretend I don’t give a damn’ look, and I gave him that ‘f*ck you’ look. I smiled, and that Erin whatever grinned widely. “You know brother, you can do your business anywhere but not here,” Tom said, trying somehow to be at my side. “Look who’s talking,” Bill rolled his eyes. Damn you Bill, you could just leave her until I leave the country!

“Anyway, we were just talking, because some people don’t give anyone the chance to talk,” Bill shot a glance at me. I felt bad; seriously, I didn’t give him any chance. But at the same time, it relieved me that he said this; at least they’re talking about me or just not about them together. Thank you for making my day Billie. I smiled and his eyebrows furrowed.

“We’re not here to disturb anyway, I forgot something,” I mocked and went straight to the room where I left my things. I opened the closet; it was somehow messy, as if someone played with it. Maybe Tom was right, Bill was looking for my smell. I laughed somehow at the idea; Bill always said I had a unique smell. Oh wait, everyone has a unique smell.

I found my lovely baby blue short dress and the white skinny stylish pants. I loved them! Especially that Billie said he loved them first. Why do I keep thinking about him that much! I pouted.

I stuffed them into a cartoon bag and went downstairs, thankfully, that Erin was gone. “I am done,” I said to Tom as I headed to the door. “Stay for lunch,” Bill smiled. “We have a lot of things to do,” I said to Tom, trying to ignore Bill’s offer. “Actually, I was speaking to Tom,” Bill smirked. I felt awkwardly awkward in a very awkward way.

Chapter Eighteen



I felt paralyzed. That picture had me. Well, not me literally, my face but another body. It was another body that was perfectly attached to my face, and it was naked. So, a picture of me naked, but it’s photo shopped. Still, if anyone saw this, they would see me, and only me.

“What’s wrong?” Bill said, in a tensed change in his voice. I didn’t answer, I was just thinking about the words that were written.

‘You caused a war, and every participant in any war faces damage.’

A war, did I really cause a war? Just because I told the truth to my best friend, it’s now considered a war? Why wouldn’t Russia and USA get involved too? Since it’s a war anyway.

Bill grabbed the mobile quickly, and I observed his reaction. His eyes widened and went stray for a moment. “Is this you?” He asked still looking away. “Hell no, Bill,” I answered angrily. “Who did this?” He said stressful. “Erin,” I spelled her name in a low voice. He clenched his fists. “That whore is going to get what she needs,” he stood up looking all red. “Calm down, your anger won’t help,” I touched his hand and then jerked back and thought a little.

“She’ll send it to everyone. Right?” I concluded. Sure well of course she won’t just send it for me! “I don’t know,” he said worried this time. At the right time, another message was received.

Bill read it carefully and his face’s color changed to clouded blue. “What?” I asked over curious. I wondered what she’ll do next. I quickly took the mobile and saw the picture again, with another line under it.

‘Now the world can see the luckiest girl, her little thin body and her mysterious hair. You like this statement? Or should I add more before I send it to TV programs. Check out the S at the end of programs, it’s not even one program. Better reach your little family in Lebanon in the fastest way possible, whore’

“What did I do to get this?” my tears fell down. He swiftly stood up and wiped my tears with his silk touching hands, as he gave me a warm kiss on my forehead. He wrapped his arms around me pulling me into his chest and muttered, “It’s all going to be alright. Remember that I’ll always be your side.”

I nodded as I tightened the hug, and his smell drove me crazy, a mix of his own smell and a strong smell of nicely fragranced ouds. “I missed being in your arms,” I confessed. He then leaned down to reach my lips, and kissed me passionately. I kissed him back as I tried to manage my breathing properly. I opened my eyes, and saw his closed; I wanted to be stuck in time. My hands were intertwined around his neck, and I was set to a state of being overwhelmed. His lips were pretty much the softest and most luscious lips to touch… yet, my heart couldn’t stop aching me.

I had to pay for this after all. You can’t be the luckiest in everything all at once.

He held my bag with making no effort. I have to admit that no matter how skinny this boy is, he has strong hands. I locked the door with the old keys and said ‘goodbye’ under my breath. I was finally leaving this hell to go back and stay with Billie. Awh.

“I’ll just say bye to Olivia, she doesn’t know I am going back yet,” I said and pouted at the idea. She will be alone in here for the left days. “Okay, I am waiting in the car,” Bill’s mouth stretched in an amusing smile and it made my blood flood warmly again.

I knocked on her door, and it took her a long time to open. Again, I was surprised by the sacs under her eyes, and the red surrounding. It almost scared me, and she had a runny nose and messed up hair. I had a flashback to the past; she was the most cheerful girl in the world. Black brown straight hair, wavy from the ends, green deep eyes, and her smile would never leave her face; these were the facial expressions that I remembered from her in the last month. What changed so fast? I don’t think it’s just Tom anymore. I thought a little more. Did she see anything? Last time, I and Tom, on the balcony… Did she catch us while transforming our anger into strong kisses? The idea scared me.

“I am here,” she woke me up from my endless thoughts. “Oh yeah, I just wanted to tell you that I and Bill are back together, and I am moving to their house back,” I said somehow quivering. “Oh yay you,” she said with a so not excited tone. “You should try making up with Tom too, you love him after all,” I said hesitating. “I don’t,” she swallowed, as if she wanted to say something but she stopped, and that didn’t help, it made my conscience ache even more. I might be the reason for her total depression now.

“Okay, so I am leaving, take care,” I said as I tried to hug her. She jerked back hesitating, “I don’t smell good,” she lied. I knew she did. She didn’t want to hug me. She knew it.

Or maybe she didn’t smell good after all, I tried to calm down.

Later that night, I was very welcomed by Tom. I remember he made me some stupid party and he was saying all the time, “She’s here. Oh Yeah. She’s here. But her friend isn’t,” and he dances weirdly. That pretty much explained a lot. He was happy to see me back, but guess what, he actually wants Olivia. Simone and Gordon had left to their house. So it was just the three of us, and after Tom’s stupid party finished, we grabbed a DVD from their HUGE pack of DVDs and watched it.

I remembered how back in this year, I’ve watched a movie with the twins and Olivia, in their hotel room. Again, I preferred to watch Bill’s reactions, smiling, pouting, smirking, and raising an eyebrow all alone. Watching him was like watching an angel react with people’s deeds, but it was way better. I wouldn’t like to see an angel’s reaction to my thinking now.

“I’ll go to bed, I am so tired,” I whispered to Bill, trying to keep him and Tom distracted in the film. He looked at me with his magical pools of chocolate and whispered, “Good night, lovely.” I smiled and kissed his cheek gently. I waved good night for Tom and slowly went upstairs. I entered the room that I’ve missed, and threw my weigh on the bed. It was great to be home, or that’s what Bill wants me to see, my home.

Eyes closed

And fall

Into the fantasy of dreams and imaginations.

Running through the monsoon

Beyond the world

Till the end of time

Where the rain won’t hurt

Fighting the storm

Into the blue

And when I lose myself I think of you

Together we’ll be running somewhere new

Through the monsoon

Just me and you

I was either dreaming, or he was singing me the monsoon song while I am asleep. I prefer option two.

I opened my eyes as the layers of sun rays touched my face. I glanced up at an angel sitting in front of me. Before I’d zoom in, I knew it was angel Bill Kaulitz. “It’s 3 PM dear,” he laughed. “What? No, what the hell?” my eyes widened. I am sleeping so much these days.

“You better wake up, fresh up and put on your clothes, the wedding will start at 6 Pm you know,” he smiled as he held my hand and pulled me up gently. A morning like this, or most probably an afternoon, would be described as a perfect one.

After I took a shower, Bill ordered for Pizza for the three of us. We had lunch and then Nathalie came by. She had Bill and Tom’s clothes, designed especially for them. Also, she promised she’d help me dress up in the best way, and she’d do me make up. I hated make up, but it was a wedding after all and I had to fit in. Thankfully, I looked a little taller and older than my age; I looked somehow like a young 17 girl, not a 15 years old one.

It took the boys a really long time to dress up, while Nat spent her time painting my face. Blush brush, eye liner, smooth white and blue eye shadow, peach and pink mixture of a lipstick. I was glad I didn’t look like a doll after all, and I admitted, I liked it. I put on my white top cigarette leathery pants, and then my short baby blue cute dress over it. I wrapped a white soft veil on my head, and put on baby blue high heels, I loved them.

Nathalie excused to go dress up herself. Then, a gorgeous Billie entered the room. He looked so… sexy. Over sexy, over gorgeous, so hot, breathtaking… He knew what to wear and how to wear it right. He had a white suit, the pants were cigarette too, and the jacket was quite stylish, with a blue tight t-shirt under it that was holding some German words. He had black high heels, it scared me.

“Erm, before I start all speechless, can you replace high heels with something that wouldn’t make me look short beside you,” I frowned. Although I was wearing high heels, I still looked short beside Bill Kaulitz. “High heels hurt anyway,” he laughed and took them off. He came back, looking through my eyes, and his eyes were out of eyeliner. Eyes catch, you are so natural.

I was finally fitting him, we had only a little difference in height now, and it made it easier for our lips to touch. He kissed me passionately and I was, like every other time, living in some other world. His lips tasted like… I don’t know. Something I never tasted before, which made my heart aches whenever our lips are apart. They need more.


I, Bill and Tom went by Tom’s car, he was driving anyway.

They were both sitting in the front, and Tom wasn’t really the happiest. Olivia wasn’t there, and he knew she didn’t want to see him any time soon. Besides, our flight to Lebanon is near, 24 hours separate us, or less. The whole idea made me tense, I got used to being beside him and now I am just going to leave.

Arriving at the hotel, I gave it a first glance and it was quite luxurious. I and Bill entered crossing hands, and the paparazzi were filling the parking lot, and the space in front of the entrance. Tom walked beside us, upset.

Many questions were asked, concerning the absence of Tom’s lovely girlfriend. We all preferred not to talk. I didn’t want to screw the night anyway, it was my last and I am going to have fun no matter what. I just don’t mind anymore, Olivia is making a big deal.

No, he cheated on her; it’s actually a BIG deal.

As we got into the hall, I could tell it was very expensive. Glamorous decorations oriented the place, flowers, lamps, long tables and hanging ornaments. Murielle was one lucky girl, and the best of all, she was with her love… And I was with Billie.

We caught the attention, or most probably, Kaulitz twins caught the attention. We took a seat around a table where Gordon, Simon, Nathalie, Gustav and Melanie were sitting around. Everyone gave us- I and Bill -shocked expressions except for Nathalie. We both smiled and sat, pretending that we know nothing about their questioning eyes.

“I am so excited,” Bill whispered to my ears after half an hour passed. “Why?” I asked. “We’re going to have our first dance tonight, and frankly saying, I hope I am not the only one who sucks at dancing,” he giggled. “Oh well, be sure you won’t be sucking alone,” I teased. I was a really bad dancer, but it didn’t matter anyway as long as my partner wasn’t dancing well too. Another common.

We had so much fun, I and Bill were trying to gaze each other when each one is eating, and we’d burst laughing and spit out the food, and at the end we’d get weird looks from the people around us. Ahh.. Happy times.

Inside me, I was somehow feeling sad. It’s just, being around him all the time made me want him more, get attached to him more, and letting go for more months tomorrow would be the worst for me. I don’t know if I’d be even satisfied with distant video calls, it wouldn’t be that pleasure as being in his arms, laughing with him face to face and touching his lips gently, strongly. I wish I could just freeze this moment, and see what smile I have on my face. I am sure it is so wide, much wider than the oceans I’ve crossed to see his.

“Will you join me in sucking.. I mean, dancing,” Bill winked at me as he held out his hand. “Sure,” I grinned. It was a slow motion song, and we stood up in the middle. I wrapped my hands around his neck, as he wrapped his around my hips softly. We tried to act as if we knew this thing very well. Stepping a pace to the front, a pace to the back, one to the right and other on the left. I don’t know how we looked to others, but we were both so harmonious together. Gazing each other’s eyes, we would laugh and giggle, maybe from being overjoyed.

Our first dance.

That was so romantic, swaying with him and living those pink colored moments every time I see his smile. His coffee eyes were my only medicine… How did I love you so fast?

“You have a text,” Melanie said as she tapped on my shoulder while dancing. I frowned, who cares about texts now?

“Excuse me,” I whispered to Billie after I kissed him on the cheek. He blinked once. I opened my message.

“You forgot it right? Enjoying every minute, yes you are. But I bet you didn’t expect what will happen, turn around; see how people are looking at you. You’re exposed. Or at least they think you are.”

I quivered involuntary as I heard the sounds of different messaging tones around me, and every time someone opens his phone, he looks at me, quickly.

“I am… The picture, the one I showed you yesterday, she sent it to everyone,” I said shaking to Billie. “What? How could she do something like that?” he said angrily.

I sat embarrassed and frightened in my seat. “Is that you?” Simone and Nathalie questioned together. Oh yay, that bitch sent the picture for these two too.

“It’s not her, photo shopped picture,” Bill defended. “Who would photo shop a picture of you?” Simone questioned, and I think she believed. Thanks God.

“I’ll be right back,” I excused as I stood up shaking. Bill tried to set me steady. “I am fine,” I lied. “Mom, we’ll talk later,” Bill said as he wrapped his arms around me, and we headed to the bathroom.

“People won’t believe that it isn’t me, I wonder what mom will do when she receives this,” I said still shaking. “Don’t panic, I don’t care what people think about you. I still love you, okay? We’ll get through this, people want to believe what they want, and should we give a damn?” Bill reasoned. “You’re right, it’s just, I never passed through this before.”

“You see my naked photo shopped pictures over the internet, I’m all like, people die to see me like this,” Bill danced his eyebrows. I laughed. “Should I repeat this to see you laughing?” He asked. “Ahh shut up, I love you too much Billie. It isn’t normal,” I confessed as I sat on the marble surface. “See, you got over it already,” he mocked.

Another text message, I wonder what next? Maybe a strip tease video, Georg’s dream.

“I am sure you’re having fun. You know what? I am sick of hiding this ok! I am sick of being your friend. You aren’t a true friend after all. You know what you lead me to? Taking drugs. And guess what, you’ve cheated on me, cheated on our friendship with the guy who I am supposed to be having fun with. This is the last message you’ll have to read from me. I am leaving your life and his. I hope Bill realizes what kind of cheater you were. You broke my heart in some way, and all I have to do is to end my life. It’s not worth living. Thank you. I always loved you though, but you always loved.. Tom”

I read and I felt all dizzy. I knew it somewhere inside me. She saw us, I and Tom. She thinks we’re in love. I reread it again. It says drugs, it says, all I have to do is to end my life.

“We’ve got… Emergency,” I told Bill quaking.



Drop a comment if you liked it

I hurried here haha i already read this before cuz im special bla =P but i couldn't not drop a comment haboul. I LOVE IT LITERALLY ;] and i wanna know what'll happen nxt!

yeah i totally agree I REALLY LOVE THIS FIC!!!!!!! <3
i really can't wait to know what's next!!

aww finaly the chapter eighteen it's sad that being Bill's love had a big price i can't wait for next chapter

@Lara: hehe inti el haboull Thank youu babe <33
@Cofie: awh i am glad youu doo Thank youu hun <33
@Safaa: oh well yeah it's sad cuz it might be true in some way :/ anw, thank youu so much sweetie <3
@Aaesha: Oh i made someone excited finally hehe thank u dear!! <3

Chapter Nineteen


How I told Bill what I just knew, how I rushed to tell Tom, how we all rushed to the hotel, I didn’t know. All I knew that it was fast, very fast, and my mind was blank. My best friend was about to suicide, and it’s a deal of misunderstanding.

We should’ve talked, sorted it out. I should’ve told her. Well, I pretty much had my own problems that I didn’t care about fixing my mistakes.

“Hurry,” Bill screamed at Tom as Tom was driving fast. “I am doing my best. You think you care more than I do!”

I obviously didn’t show Bill the text, I quickly deleted it. I didn’t want a drama now because of the ‘I and Tom’ thing.

“Oh well it’s your entire fault after all. She was so sweet with you and you just screwed it up like always,” Bill started shrieking.

“Don’t fight now; we’re in a damn emergency.” I tried to calm them down.

They both frowned, but Tom’s face wasn’t out of frustration and tension. Look who’s talking? I was almost sweating; my best friend would kill herself because of me. However, if she was still alive –Which I doubt - Bill would know everything, and ‘us’ will end...

They quickly parked in front of the hotel, and the three doors were opened all together as we ran to the entrance. Paparazzi followed us as usual.

My ankles were flexing like a weirdo, I quickly took off my high heels. Running after Bill and Tom, my heart was beating so loud that I bet they can hear it. We got into the elevator exhaling and inhaling as if we just ran a charity marathon.

Tom glanced at me with worried looks and I rolled my eyes away. I didn’t want to be reminded now; I wouldn’t kiss him if I knew what it would lead to.

The elevator’s door was automatically opened when we swiftly paced to Olivia’s door. Knocking hard without getting an answer, Tom realized that it wouldn’t open if he didn’t do it himself. He gave the door a hard kick, and it dropped open. Wow, he has muscles.

Focus Sarah.

“Where is she?” Tom said worried after he got in looking around. Bill followed him, and so did I.

I looked all over.

The bed.

The closets.

The bathroom.

“Where the hell is she?” Tom said in what seemed like crying. “Calm down, we’ll find her.” Bill reassured.

Bad thoughts shot in my mind as I approached the balcony. I opened the transparent door weakly seeing clearly my weak best friend lying on the floor, helplessly.

I entered slowly, lowering down; I sat beside her, without moving or saying a word. I felt Bill and Tom reach for us, staring blankly.

Her eyes were closed, her lovely hair was full of sweat and so was her pretty face. There was no trace of cutting, just an opened flask filled with pills, and some are out of it.

Drugs, I thought. My heart started beating faster than ever as I approached her wrist, pressing my fingers to feel her veins, to feel her beats.

She wasn’t beating.

I approached her neck, and it was cold. Very cold. I pressed my fingers against her veins again. There’s no sign of beating.

I finally approached her chest. Putting my hand on her chest, I felt a little slight of hope.

NO BEATING.

My tears escaped my eyes slowly, and I turned my face to see Tom standing still, his eyes warm with shock, and his face blank with… Regret.

Bill’s face clouded too, and his tears ran down harshly from his eyes. “We should call the emergency.”

“Don’t bother, Bill.” I looked at Olivia again. “She’s dead.”

Silence occupied the room. I tried to stand up slowly and I jerked back without taking my eyes of her silent body. I passed by Bill and Tom and they were both expressionless, just staring at her, or at the space, I didn’t recognize what exactly.

“Why would she do this?” Bill broke the silence in a crying voice. “It wasn’t that big deal that would cost her her own bloody life.”

He stared at I and Tom, and we were both sitting on the bed. I was crying harshly, and Tom was just under shock, silent. We’ve already called for help, just to take her dead body.

Then Bill surrendered and got into the room holding amounts of tissues. He handed me some. When he handed Tom, Tom just didn’t respond. He sat by his side and tapped on his shoulder. “It’s okay. You’ll be alright. It’s not only your loss; you know we loved her as much.”

With every word he said, I felt a huge pain heaving my heart. It was my entire fault. I shouldn’t have put my anger on someone’s boyfriend. I shouldn’t.

I stared at Bill while trying to calm down his twin. I am an ill-fating girl. I spread my ill-fated crap everywhere. Since I came here, I’ve poured my spill on every beautiful thing.

First, I was a criminal. I didn’t stand by my best friend when her boyfriend was cheating on her.

Second, I did think of my boyfriend as a cheater too. I did tell the media he was a jerk.

Third, I believed everyone except the one I should actually believe.

Fourth, I kissed Tom. I ruined the last hope for Olivia in Tom, and in life.

I suck.

“What’s this?” I heard Bill say. He woke me from my court while accusing my stupid so called conscience. “I think it’s a note.”

I looked up, it was a letter thrown on the bed all the time. How the hell didn’t I see the damn letter? It would say everything, and unmask all the crappy things that happened behind Bill’s back. I am dead. I am heartbroken. I am single. I am left out. I am… I am going to be all this by tonight.

I was enjoying a best day of a best vacation and it had to be screwed up. Wow. Did I mention before how ill fated I am?

Tom suddenly looked interested when Bill opened the note and started reading.

‘If anybody cared about me and looked after me. You’ll find my dead body, but thanks for your sudden care. Sarah, Tom, Bill or some room service guy. I’ve killed myself and I guess it’s obvious. I am making some sense of humor here, not everyone dies sad. I didn’t. I know I didn’t because I just figured out the best cure to escape from the agonizing feelings. Dear Tom and Bill, you gave me a meaning to live once. You were my guiders through the darkness when I had no identity. You made me a Tokio Hotelist. Thank you. For everything. But once I met you, everything changed. The guy I longed for was my best friend’s lover, and the guy I fell in love with was her make out buddy-“

Bill cut off reading and looked at us and then at me specifically. “Make out buddy?” Bill asked surprised. Tom saved me and grabbed the letter to continue reading. I kind of felt like needing some lightening to strike me right now. I want to feel electrocuted. I want to die now. Now!

‘Dear best friend, Sarah. I love you so much. I’ve always did. You were my sister, thanks for everything. Really. Okay, no I hate you. I’ve made my choice you know. I am sick of being that so nice girl who tries to ignore everything. All I wanted was to feel loved and hang out with my favorite superstars, but I turned out to be in some dark world. Again, it’s not your fault, Tom and Bill. It’s mine and Sarah’s. I drifted too seriously, and Sarah, you made everything worse. I should not be writing an article now, but only God knows where the hell I’d be when you read this. Drug overdose. I always loved Elvis Presley.’

Frankly saying, this is the stupidest before-suicide-note ever. Maybe it’s the drugs. I looked over at her dead body one more last time until few men entered the room. Bill started speaking with them and I saw them holding her, taking her away.

Wake up Sarah. YOUR GODDAMN BEST FRIEND HAS JUST DIED.

So, I am not going to see her anymore? I’ve remembered a really close feeling, when my father died. It was always like, “Mom, it’s fine. We’ll get over it.”

And then, at the times I need a father beside me, I just think about the fact, he’ll never be there anymore. Never ever.

Tears now really got me fast. I wasn’t going to see Olivia any time soon. Never soon. It’s just if I met her on the other side, maybe.

I was out now, seeing all these people getting in and out of the room. Bill was still in there, and Tom was beside me. “It’s not your fault,” he said in a low murmur. “It was mine, always.”

“No, it’s not. I kissed you, Tom,” I said as I lay my head on the wall. “I should have protected my friend.”

Silence occupied the place again, just my crying voice. I cried.

And cried.

And cried.

And cried.

And cried, even when I was finally at my room, the one in the twins’ house. I just cried. The door was opened slowly. “Are you okay?” Bill got in like an angel, talking really sensitive and cautious.

“No, I am not.” I quickly jumped on him and hugged him just so tight. “I love you,” I said, trying to remind myself of this love, how much I love him. Maybe it would just kick away the pain for few seconds.

He tried to back off. I looked up at his face, it was sorrowful.

“I thought we were being honest and all that stuff,” he gazed my eyes and I took away mine quickly. “How do you expect me to trust you anymore?”

I stayed silent. I have no answer. I am not trustworthy.

“With my brother, Sarah?” he got close to me questioning. “He has a girlfriend. I thought I had one too.”

“I am sorry. We weren’t going well together. You were with that argh-“ he cut me off. “That argh was the reason now why you kissed right?”

“No. Yes. Yes she is. She’s the reason for everything,” I defended myself. “Go on. Blame the world, Sarah,” he said disappointed.

“Olivia just suicided. Erin is obviously not the reason. You are the reason,” he looked at me again.

“Bill, stop it,” I pleaded. “I need no more pain. It’s enough.”

He didn’t respond.

“As you like, Bill. I am sick of this already. I love you. You love me. But we just don’t belong to each other. Why don’t you just spit it out? You don’t want me, you just... Love me,” I almost shouted.

Looking through his bubbly chocolate eyes, I couldn’t help but cry, shake and feel like killing myself now. Everything seems so vague, so not right. It’s all a nightmare. Please God, let it be a nightmare.

“So what now? All what I feel about you, you say at last that I don’t want you. I want you, so much, but.” He didn’t continue.

“If there weren’t any ‘buts’ in our relationship, it would have been fine,” I finally concluded. “There’s always buts’. I am just going to pack my things, my vacation already ends tomorrow. I wonder if you would let me stay here for the night.”

He looked at me surprised, but then tried to swallow it all. “Sure, it’s just one night after all.”


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So guys, what do you think about this chapter?

Harsh too much I guess. I really don't enjoy writing tragedy.. but that's life!

that's saaad

omg.. that's totally sad. I had blurry eyes though u know im not too emotional thanks to some people (which i hate remembering) but.. anywho, you know how to express your feelings well, i always love your writing.. and great chapter, but i dont want tragedy anymore.

omg that's so sad,she lost her best friend and now she's gonna lose her love too and she'll back to home with nothing
as usual, i caaan't wait for the next chapter,post sooon <333

i agree, you're a great writer but i don't like to be sad is so... sad but still i love how you write i cried so much when olivia died, i was reading it and crying and just wishing olivia had a last breath, that she woke up or that it was just a nightmare, something...

Aaesha: Yeah i know :/ Anw, you look GORGEOUS <3
Lara: yeah obviously i won't remind you, which i think i just did by saying this. Ok shut up Sasi. Thank you babe, i adore the hell out of you <3
Safaa: Yeah it would be so cruel but happily it isn't true.. what a life would it be then :/ Thank you sweetie, im glad you like <33
Cofie: Wow.. i can make people cry, that's a praise im happy you enjoy my writing, it's flattering, thank you dear <33

Chapter Twenty



He left me standing still in the room, feeling a bit of humiliation. Oh well, I am just wondering about what stupid mistake did I do?

Now he’s really being a drama queen. Really. I kissed Tom, so what? We weren’t even hanging out together at that time. I wish he knew what I called Tom with. I wish Olivia heard what Tom called me with. Now everybody had to be deaf, blind and magnifying. I am the blamed teenager after all.

The night will end, and a new day will start. I’ll go back to Lebanon and leave it all behind. THE WORST VACATION OF MY LIFE. Yes, I should write a book. I wonder what else I’m blamed for. Maybe the escape of Osama Bin Laden? Maybe the Global Warming.

Okay, I am probably blamed for the second one. I am the most rubbish person, if that has a meaning.

Never mind, my life sucks. Just when everything is teetering on a portrait of perfection, some crappy incident have to pop up like ‘See me, I am crappy’ and ruins the moments. It was the first time I actually fall for someone and I am only a young stupid teen. Falling for Billie that strong is a big deal for me; he’s like, another piece of me. Which makes me wonder again, why the hell do I have to suffer now?

So now, I am being really selfish. Olivia’s gone, I reminded myself.

She’s gone…

What do I feel now? Horrible. Shocked. Heartbroken.

I want to sleep, to have peace for just few hours. I need this peace. Yet, every time I close my eyes, I remember her face, her fresh glowing smile, her expressions when she sees some cute picture of Tom or Bill back when we were once just fans. I remember how she used to play the guitar and how I used to sing. We made that little band when we were younger a little, and our songs where a copy of Tokio Hotel songs, just changing some words. I remember how she used to be the creative one, she used to make the posters, play the guitar, and draw a plan for our little concerts at her house or at mine. It used to be pretty fun; it was innocent fun, just two obsessed fans sharing a night of addictive obsession. Tears rolled down into my cheeks. I won’t see her again, ever. This is the truth; she’s never going to be back. She’s out of my life now, and I feel so horrible for not caring about her feelings lately. I hate this feeling.

I hate feeling guilty. I tried to close my eyes but they won’t. They just wanted to cry. I struggled in my bed to fight my nightmares, to fight my conscience. My legs. My hands. My face. My every part started sweating. This is going to be a long night.

I just cried and my face was covered with sweat and salty tears. I got up and sat on the bed supporting my back on the pillows. I tried to wipe my face, but every time a new memory of her shoots my mind, my tears fall harsher. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” I screamed hitting my legs on the bed and slapping my face with my own hands. My eyes aren’t going to sleep, not in a long while…

The guy that I need the most right now is in the other room, minding his own business, and mourning in his own way. I am not sure how he feels around me anymore, but I know that I never loved and will never love anyone the same way I do to this guy. That’s a fact.

I looked up at the watch just when the sun rays sneaked in from the shut blinds. Wow, so I haven’t slept.

A new day. A new damn day.

I am leaving Germany this afternoon. I quickly jumped from my bed and entered the bathroom desperately. I looked at my reflection and I saw a dull weak girl. I knew I needed a hot bath and I did.

I opened my closet feeling all comfy and cozy, then I withdrew a black cotton shirt and a light jeans pants. I was going to wear a black jacket anyway, it looks freezing outside. I wrapped a black veil around my head and applied some mascara and baby blue eyeliner on my lashes and eye lids respectively. Then I realized that I am acting selfish now. I quickly removed everything again and just applied some peach face powder to hide the red spots on my face and to cover my swollen eyes.

The door knocked and I felt a sudden eternal shiver. It feels like I am never going to get over this. It’s obvious.

“The door’s opened,” I shrieked as I sat on the plastic chair in front of the makeup mirror. Tom’s emerging face interrupted my hopeful bubbles and burst them like BOOM. It’s not Bill, why the hell did I have to shiver and worry if it’s not Bill. “Can we talk for a second?” he asked in a low murmur.

“Sure.” I smiled a very fake smile. Tom walked in slowly, looking deeply in pain, well of course he is. “How are you?” I asked as he sat on the bed in front of me. “Okay,” he muttered with teary eyes. “I am sorry for everything I caused you, starting from the kiss, from being very ill fating and for every single-“ I was cut off.

“Shut the fuck up.” He flounced and suddenly I felt all the angered heat inside me fading. I looked at him wandering through his words. Is it an outrageous ‘shut up’ or just a don’t-blame-yourself shut up?

“I am the admonished one,” he said weakly. “But, I told her, I spilled your secret in my peak of exasperation, and I shouldn’t no matter-“ I was cut off again. “Just don’t. Okay? She chose her death without giving us any clue or any question just for the sake of understanding.”

I should stand for her, defend her. I know I’d feel the same way as her if I saw my best friend and my boyfriend kissing although it wouldn’t go so far, not to a suicide. Yet, he was in enough pain and he needed no more. “Anyway,” he sighed. “I came here to talk about another subject.”

“What is it?” I looked at him questioning.

“I came here to talk about… oh well, to talk about Bill,” he said uncertain. “Just forget it, okay?” I shrugged. “No, no I won’t. But the truth is, Bill went out yesterday, right after he walked out of your room. He grabbed a couple of drinks and went out. I tried to stop him, but he was very rebellious-“ I interrupted him, “What? How could you let him go out and drive a car while drinking?” That sounded very caring. Oh yes, I do care.

“I told you I tried to stop him, but he didn’t drive drunk, he had the drinks with him.” He sighed a little and then continued, “He hadn’t came back home yet, and he doesn’t even answer his phone.”

I involuntary grabbed my phone and speed dialed his number. I waited until it said that the number I am trying to reach is out of service right now… What the hell is he doing?

“What if he is with Erin?” I asked skeptically, spelling her name awkwardly. Tom’s eyes strayed a little. “Maybe,” he concluded then held his phone by his turn and I could guess he speed dialed that bitch. I could no longer blame Bill, he must be really angry. He must really care.

“It’s ringing,” he assured, as if knowing Bill was with her is so pleasantly delightful to my dear heart. “Oh hey, yeah, I am okay, really? We were worried, why, WHAT? Why didn’t you call, where the fuck are you? Is he fine, I am coming,” Tom was answering the phone and my body was quaking.

“Come on, we have to go.” Tom got up furiously. “What did she say? What’s wrong?” I asked following him. “Tom answer me, where is he?”

Tom didn’t answer, his face hard, red and stiff. “Is there anything wrong with him?” I questioned frightened. He opened the door and headed to his car. He didn’t answer so I just did the same and slammed the door beside me. He was hurried, he was about to drive if I didn’t jump in. I’ve never seen him so... Worried?

Before I could say a word, my phone started ringing. I quickly answered before paying attention to whoever was the caller. “Hey,” I said distractingly. “You know I am not going to leave you there with those insane killers,” mom said angrily. She obviously knew about Olivia. “Mom, they’re not killers. Her suicide-” I tried to explain. “I need no explanation Sarah, you’re coming today and Bill’s accident isn’t going to let you stay any longer,” she said almost shouting. Wait, Bill’s accident?

“Excuse me?” I asked, my lips parted. “Bill has his own brother and his own family to take care of him now, I want no excuses. You’ll go to France to your uncle’s house and we’ll meet you there tonight,” she ordered. “Mom I don’t care about that, okay? I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” I denied. Oh well, I don’t really know what she’s talking about. Before she could answer, I ended the call. I didn’t need to hear that now. I just needed to know why Tom was furious, oh wait…

“Accident?” I asked Tom. “He had a car accident, he probably was drinking whatever he took with him,” Tom said concerned without removing his sight of the road. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I almost shouted nervously then heard my mom’s voice. Oh God the line wasn’t dead yet. “Yes mom, I’ll call you later. I have to go.”

“But Sar-“ I pressed the end call button hard now. Bill had an accident…

I felt indignant at Tom, or at the world. Maybe at myself as well, I was being very perplexed, and I’ve done ridiculous mistakes, like kissing his twin. I could’ve chosen some hotel guy, or that cute waitress from the pizza shop. Anyone, but his brother? I’ve made my best friend suicide because of my stupid bad temptation control. What else… I also apologized to my boyfriend for being so suspicious and he did apologize for being so careless, or at least pretending to be so. I’ve continued my life without being honest and suddenly, a stupid quick –okay long- kiss leads us to a fight? Well that’s called DRAMA. My tongue slips stupid words. Bill’s tongue slips stupid words. We go all determined to show how much we don’t care, and pop, we fall down. This will happen continuously. Wait, we already ended.

Let me explain some things in my head. Bill did really get irritated, and in another way afflicted, so he took a couple of drinks and drove drunk to Erin’s house. No wait, he would’ve had the accident before. He probably went to Erin’s house, had a few drinks with her, and then he went back home, and boom, a car crash. No, obviously not, or she wouldn’t know. They had a ride together drinking, or at least he was; now I could imagine it. I felt the heat occupy my every part. Now I am really timid.

The car slowed down and I tried to zoom in into reality to see that we arrived to some fancy hospital. We quickly got out of the car and then into the hospital where the paparazzi filled the place outside. Wow, media already knew about this before I could actually know. Tom held my arm and pulled me with him from inside the crowd. Pacing quickly he reached the receptionist and asked for Bill’s room.

We struggled to the room and Tom was in the front. My heart was racing, and that race was frantically doubled when I glanced Erin sitting on a chair beside Bill, who didn’t look awake at all. I decided I’d just ignore her, I am here for Bill. “How is he?” Tom asked a nurse who was in the room preparing to leave. “He’s not very good, but he’ll get better soon.”

Tom nodded when she noted, “Only two persons can stay in the room with the patient.” I looked at Tom who looked quickly at Erin. “What? I brought him here,” she reminded Tom. “Well you’re the cause for his accident too. Just go out,” Tom started to get angry. “Okay, fine.”

For the first time I see Erin concerned, or caring or something. She looked at me with painful eyes, full of shameful and regretful signs.

She walked out heavily. Then, I slowly got close to Bill and sat on the chair beside him. His hair was smoothly let free, and his eyes were angelically shut. He looked a little yellow, and he smelled all drunk. He was breathing through an oxygen mask, and whenever I see his chest goes up and down, I feel knives scratching my inside. I brushed my hand smoothly over his forehead, where he had few injuries and scratches. He was sweaty and cold. I caressed his cheeks softly and tried to let him know in any way that I am by his side, even if it’s for a little while.

I needed to make sure he’s alright, my heart needed so. I had a flashback to the past, when Bill had his vocals surgery. I stayed at Olivia’s house and we spent the night praying and looking over for every update. We were very worried, we were very frightened. Our Billie was going under a surgery and we were just fans, like any other fan, waiting on pins and needles for the tiniest news about his health. That was a hard time, and this is a hard time. A flood of tears gushed down on my pale skin. I wasn’t going to stop crying for a while either…

I held his hand tight and lay my head on the pillow. I wanted to sleep here forever, I don’t want to leave.

“Can we talk for a minute?” I heard Erin ask. I looked at her, she was asking me. I nodded although I wasn’t in the mood to talk and bring myself a headache. But I knew very well Tom was waiting to be alone with his twin.

She walked me out and stayed silent for a moment swallowing as if she was preparing what to say. I folded my hands and stood still.

“Look, I wished we could have talked in a better occasion,” she said and swallowed again. Better occasion? She wished we did talk? Now I am confused.

“I know I wasn’t the best of a comrade. You’re a teenager at the beginning of your life, and I guess in some part I ruined which is supposed to be the best stage of your life.” What is she now, my doctor?

I didn’t move. She continued, “I know very well how much you love Bill, and I know that he loves you the doubles. You might not know this, but every time I and Bill hanged out, he talked about you and only you. I’ve made a mistake and I did really feel jealous of you regardless of your age, but you had the person who you love by your side, when I just fell in love with a guy who had a girlfriend, a young one, and still preferred her over me.”

She was in love with Tom just like Bill said. “That explains a lot, but I still don’t know why would you spread fake pictures of me?” I asked.

“As I said before, I was being, well, jealous. I know this sounds stupid but love makes you do bad things, and now after I took a deep look into the consequences, I regret them. I was being very, very immature, and I am sorry for what I caused to Bill today, I encouraged him to drink and forget, although he was driving. I am such a bad-” I cut her off, “Just go away, please. You’re sick. Very sick.” I started shouting and I saw her eyes get blurry, and she finally walked away. What kind of person is she? My life is cursed, my love is suffering, my best friend is gone, and Tom is broken. How does she expect me to forget all this by her ‘sorry’…? How?


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So guys, what do you think about this one?

OMG GREAT JOB I really ADORE this. like ADORE IT 3njad . i enjoy reading your fanfic so much <3 don't make it late for the other chapty. 7ippik mwah