Love's Never Theoretical, it's Touched [Bill Kaulitz Fan Fiction]

Laraaaaaaa :3 thank u babe <3 7iipik more (ok that's so gayish)

Uhh.. poor bill
Though i still like your story ^^

Aaesha: uh yea, it freaks me out to just think about it .. O.o thank youu <3
Safaa: omg thank you cutieee <3 this means a lot to me

awwww liebe i luv ur signatureeee <3

sure cuz Bill looks so cute thanks hunnie <3

no problem <3 he always is

Chapter Twenty One

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I took it out and saw ‘mom’ on the screen. I sighed and answered.

“Hey, mom.”

“Sarah why did you end the call suddenly?” she sounded furious.

“Mom, let me cheer you up. You knew about the accident before I do.”

It took her few seconds before she answered. “You think this cheers me up?”

“Well, that’s exactly what you make me feel,” I tried to stay monotonous as much as I can.

“Sweetie, I don’t want you to get hurt. Your friend suicide, it’s her funeral today. Your boyfriend was drunk, which I suppose is something disliked and stupid to do in such times. And he was with a girl. I will argue no more. Your flight is soon and you better be in the airport by 4 PM.”

I quickly glanced upon my watch; it was 3:12 PM. I don’t have a lot of time.

“Fine,” I frowned and closed the line.

And by closing my mobile, I felt my heart pounding with fright. I remembered the reason why I am in this dull hospital and I quickly got back into my room where I found Simon and Gordon back in along with Tom. They were speaking to the doctor and I joined in the circle around him.

He was speaking in German and I just took the chance and sat beside Bill, and held his hand again. It felt colder than ever, sending a cool rush into my veins. Yet, I held it tightly as I gave a look to his face again. He was always beautiful and now he is, even when he’s lying on this white bed and even when he’s yellow, sweaty and cold. He was just bitterly beautiful, somehow a hell made angel.

Then I felt Tom’s hands tap on my shoulder and I automatically turned my gaze to his. “What did he say?”

“He said that Bill has a broken leg, no inside injuries but he needs a lot of rest, and his chest is facing a severe pain, so they’re giving him medicine. But yeah, rest is the most important, emotionally and physically,” he said looking at his brother.

I felt guilt and inside panic. Rest is the most important thing, emotionally… These words won’t leave me alone. He needs to rest emotionally and I am going to leave simply. I tightened my hands in his with few tears rolling into my frightened cheeks. Tom noticed my shaky tears and so he curved and sat on his knees beside my chair.

“What’s wrong?” he examined my face as I examined Bill’s. “I can’t, I can’t stay here too long,” I gushed into never ending tears. This is my down moment, and I could hear my heart beating like Gustav’s drums. “Why?” his expressions changed into astonishment. “I need, I need to leave for France. I might never come back, ever.”

He chuckled tensely and I just ignored. I knew very well it wasn’t a delightful chuckle, it was a heart aching one. “He’ll never get alright,” he started talking despicably. “Tom, don’t be pessimistic.” I rolled my eyes. “Oh well, you’re going away. That’s going to help him, A LOT,” he tried to stay cool, though his eyes were blurry. He’s talking as if I don’t know…

Surrendering, I lay my head beside him, putting one hand under my head and playing with his hair by the other one. I started muttering him one of my favorite songs.

No one knows how you feel

No one there you’d like to see

The day was dark and full of pain

Slowly, I felt my eyes shut with the song…

I felt someone shake me hard. “Damn I am AWAKE.” I opened my eyes drowsily. “Your flight, you’re supposed to be there before half an hour,” Tom was shrieking, but somehow he had some smirk on his face that I easily recognized. He was happy I was late. He was happy I just missed my flight. Oh come on, deep inside, I was happy too.

He was covering the phone with his hand while shouting, keeping it slightly uncovered so that mom would hear, I guessed. “Mrs. Aiden, she’s awake now.” Oh, I guessed right.

I grabbed the phone from him and breathed heavily. “Hey, mom,” I said. “Good morning,” she almost sounded like screaming, mocking or something like reprimanding. “Mom, calm down. I slept without realizing.” I sat straight on the chair, and saw Tom sit on the sofa in front of the bed. Then, I gave a quick look at Bill, who was still sleeping, breathing unevenly from his oxygen mask. Angelically silent.

“Yeah, I see. That’s why I booked you another ticket for the night,” she said in what seemed like ‘oh no, you won’t get what you want’. Okay, that was annoying. Very.

“The nearest flight is at 1 AM,” she woke me up from my moment of pondering. “Fine,” I muttered and without giving a sign I just ended the call, again. I lay my head against the wall and sighed. Bill was still in a coma, and Tom was sitting in front of me. “Where’s Simon?” I asked with an out of boredom tone. “She’s staying in the hotel. The doctors assured her that he’ll be fine,” Tom answered, and I smiled comfort. He’ll be fine.

Tom noticed the change in my expressions and so he quickly said, “I don’t think so actually. He still looks ill, very ill and he needs a lot of care. Some people will just leave him behind, leave everything behind and go away.”

“Thank you for reminding me,” I, this time, couldn’t talk but cry. I felt… like violating and breaking that confidence between me and Bill, although I feel it was broken a long time ago. But this time, I am leaving and he needs me. I am denying all the things we had together because of my young age, my need to follow my parents rules, my position in this world. I can’t even set up my words right, I can’t explain this type of betrayal…

Few minutes of silent crying passed by and my hand didn’t leave Bill’s cold smooth hand. He didn’t say anything, because obviously he was still in a coma. I don’t know how to describe my feelings. My heart was trembling and I felt the every part of me so not anxious for what’s next.

Again, I had to think about the reasons that made me love him so much…

I know at the beginning, I wanted to convince myself it was a celebrity crush, or something near. I felt so lucky since I found backstage passes, I felt so lucky since I had a couple of gazes from the corner of his eyes. He showed up every day, as if he knew where I was, as if God finally listened to me and actually answered my prayers. Everything I dreamt of, feeling him, hearing him express his worries, being beside him when he needs a friend and then being his friend, it all was a dream, somehow a vague day vision. I felt unconscious all the time, I am sure I did because if I was actually conscious, I would’ve been screaming and shouting when he smiles, squealing like crazy when he laughs and crying rivers when he pouts. That was my life before I was actually in his.

It’s like; I grew up when I met him. It’s like, he made me feel something I never thought I’d feel early, in some way he made me feel loved, and made me touch this love every time our lips touched, every time our hands held tight. The feeling that was always some theory became practical when I actually loved him, not obsessed with him.

Here I am, after a short, yet long time of our so far from Cinderella story, holding his hand when he’s in some coma, having to worry a lot about him because I am simply leaving and might never see him again. Life is cruel if any one hadn’t noticed that yet.

It’s not a Cinderella story because he isn’t a prince; he’s some precious creation of God with a soul and feelings. Plus, I am not as beautiful as Cinderella, and I can’t do house works, and I can’t marry the prince nor did I have some weird step mother. It was just a… typical love story, just like normal love, strong love that takes over the mind and the heart, that starts with a gaze, then a word, then a date, a kiss… and ends with well, a breakup.

Without realizing it, my tears were falling harsher than before that they started to vibrate in the room. “I am sorry,” Tom said with regretful eyes as he handed me few tissues. “It’s not your fault,” I said, my words broken by petrified gasps. “I don’t know how did I turn to this, how did the time pass so quickly.” I looked over at my Billie. No, he’s not my Billie anymore. I still looked over at him, sleeping in his own black world of darkness. Does he feel anything? Or at least, hear anything? I want him to know that I am not going because I hate him, I am going because, oh well, I am not allowed to stay…

“You know you’re a part of us, our own little family,” Tom broke my silent thoughts. I looked up at him, he was serious. “I don’t know how we trusted you when we usually don’t trust anyone. I couldn’t believe it at first, when I knew Bill had kissed you after six years of being single; it even shocked me that he fell in love. I thought he would never do, because he just couldn’t give his trust away easily,” he talked deeply, doing those hand-describes-inside gestures. “And I am just letting go of this trust,” I smiled that smile of shame. “I should write him something,” I said after I glanced upon my watch and realized the time is running out.

I opened my bag as Tom went out to get some cocktail which I don’t feel like drinking, but he said that I must drink something if I don’t want to eat anything. I took out a notebook and a pencil and starting writing.

Hey Billie…

I don’t know how you will be while reading this, but I hope you’re very fine and it didn’t take you so long to have your health back. You must have hated me throughout the last incidents, but I know deep inside that you love me, and you know that I love you back. It’s just, whatever we do, no matter how much we try to stay strong, no matter how much we try to belong, we just don’t. Everything stands in our way, people who hate us and people who love us. Some envy us, and some just want us to be good in their own way, which will never fit us. But I give up, I felt a pain that I never did feel before, and what made this pain the strongest was the fact that I loved you and still I do. I had to live through the jealousy and hate of others, because I wanted to live with you. I made mistakes out of the pressure, and I paid the price hard. I don’t want to make this long nor do I want to remind you of me. I just want to let you know that if it was ever in my reach, I would go back in time and not attend your concert so that I wouldn’t know you and you wouldn’t know me. It would’ve been a lot easier when it was just a celebrity love, or whatever they call it… at least for you.

Sarah

I finished writing it and reread it again. “It’s miserable. Ugh.” I scratched it and threw it aside.

“This is yours,” Tom said as he handed me a glass of cocktail. I frowned and then he entered the bendy straw in its small opening. “Now drink, you’re already becoming pale,” he said with a worried yet cold tone. I gave up and took a sip. I had to stay a little conscious for my flight to hell any way.

---
So, I hope it was worth the wait

Nice chapterr :]
I can't wait for the next one
Keep it up <33

woah lalush bala faza3a 7afza phrase ha ur listening to tokio hotel ktr ;D w noise w 2sas! ich liebe dich this way <33

You're making me cry again!!!
Anyway, i still love your story and i can't wait to read the next one^^

awhh i am glad you like it hun <3 thank you!

you're welcome!! but please post as soon as you can!!

Chapter Twenty Two


“Please, come quickly. He’s about to jump.” Tom pleaded on the phone and I felt my heart contracts so hard that I feel it’s going to burst against my chest cage. “I am. Hold him. Tell him anything before I come. Anything,” I said shouting, quivering as if I was electrocuted.

“Mom, drive faster,” I almost yelled at her. “We’re almost there.” She talked as if she was some machine, her regret raising the heat of her face. If she would just let me do what I really want, none of this would have happened.

She parked the car and we both got out very quick. We saw screaming crowds of fans around the building and the night was just so dark that it made it difficult to see Bill clearly from down. He was standing on the edge and the weather was windy that he would fall in any minute. I pressed my hand on my chest, around the area where my heart lies, trying to stop its fast beating.

The fans looked worried, and the police were down, trying to negotiate. Some fans were singing him ‘Don’t Jump’. No answer of him.

I tried to get inside the building, I tried to hurry. My mom was holding my hand but that was slowing me. I pushed her back, but I felt guilt. That didn’t stop me, I just moved on.

A police man confronted me. “You can’t go up. The guy would jump if anyone would go up.” I looked up at him and shrieked, “You can’t tell me what to do and what to not do.” I quickly slipped from his hands and hurried on the stairs until I knew I was safe and waited for the elevator. Damn elevator wouldn’t come fast. Tom called again. “Where the heck are you?” he screamed. “I am coming,” I said quaking. He ended the call and the elevator arrived. I swiftly pressed the roof button and waited anxiously, my heart pounding just like the first time I hurried to see Olivia. Some sound ringed and that old red light button lit, I knew I arrived.

I took a deep breath and the doors opened automatically. I found myself surrounded with Tom, Gordon, Georg, Gustav, Simon, Nathalie, David and other people I didn’t recognize. They all looked at me and I just looked at the guy standing still on the sill of the roof. I tried to reach him but they all blocked me.

“You’re just making it worst.”

“You left him in the first time.”

“He doesn’t need you anymore.”

“Hehe look who’s coming now. Oh how did your mom let you come?”

“It was your plan from the beginning right? To be loved by the Kaulitz and leave...”

Their voices were mixed, females or males, I couldn’t decode and the scary roaring of the winds didn’t help either. “Let go of me!” I shouted at one of them who grabbed my hand, it felt like it was Tom. I slipped this time too and made a run to Bill. He looked at me back, his eyes swelled and red, his face gushed by tears. He stretched a faint smile and said in a low murmur, “You’re here.”

I smiled comfort with few tears dropping down and assured him, “Yes, I am here. I am forever here.”

“What a beautiful liar you are,” he smiled faintly again and turned his face away. I almost chocked and my face turned blue with red. “I am sorry,” I swallowed. He didn’t move. “I am sorry for everything. I never wanted to leave, never.” I waited for an answer.

He just nodded. I felt unwanted, guilty, screwed up. I don’t want to lose him, I love him.

“I don’t know how I sang for people not to jump. I was out of feeling at that time,” he finally said. What? Out of feeling? Now he’s scaring me…

“You can’t say anything because you’re not in my place. You can’t feel this great freedom I am partially feeling right now, and I am going to feel completely as I jump.” I felt him smirk when his cheeks appeared to get broad.

“No, Bill, you think you’re feeling like that. It’s just the wind. If you jump you would feel harmed, scared, and regretful as you go down, and when your body would hit the ground, you’d feel dead. DEAD.” I screamed the last word.

He didn’t respond. “Dead Bill… Being dead isn’t a beautiful thing, not for you, and not for the people who love you, ask me…” I talked as if I am calmed down.

“The world doesn’t spin around for you… Oh, and the people who love me? So now you care about others? You should’ve considered that before you left,” he said and I glanced at a tear flying from his eye with the strong breeze.

“Billie, the wind is vigorous. You should get down. Everything will be solved but suicide won’t. Look at Tom, how he suffered. Do you want this for everyone? Do you want this for the fans screaming and singing down for you not to jump. At least, give respect for those who made you who you are today. Give them one last prize; give them your presence in the world. That’s all they’re asking for.” I brought the fans in the subject; it was his point of weakness.

He stayed silent as the night. “God gave you a soul to live not to waste. Even if your life wasn’t the best, it wasn’t the worst either. Look at other people who-” I was cut off by him. “No poverty, no fucking problems please. I am not them, they’re not me.” He screamed yet he didn’t move. I knew by then I would do one last thing. I climbed up and stood beside him. He looked at me and I heard some voices rise from down, and hisses from behind.

“What are you doing?” his eyes almost fell from his angelic face. “I love you, Bill. Come back with me or I’d fall right now, in front of you,” I whispered. He pouted when he realized what I was trying to do. “Sarah, please, just don’t,” he said with his tears falling harsher. I did the same as he used to do, I stayed silent, but inside me I was terrified that I would fall right now. We both were already slim and the wind was just perfect.

Tom approached me. “What are you trying to do?” he said as he held my hand strongly. I looked at Tom and then felt Bill preparing himself to fall. “NO,” I screamed. As an involuntary respond, Tom left my hand quickly and I saw Bill’s foot trip from the threshold. I closed my eyes and held his shirt to prevent him from falling but instead both our legs slipped and we fell from the roof.

“NOO!” I screamed on the top of my lungs as I opened my eyes and sat properly. I looked around me, I was in the hospital. Did I fall and survive? I looked at my body. No, I don’t think so, why am I sleeping on chairs joined together. I touched my face, it was hot and sweaty. I breathed heavily and then realized that it was a dream.

“It was a dream?” I asked myself again. “Nightmare?” I heard Tom questioning. I looked at the back; he was lying on joined chairs too. I felt my tears burn my cheeks and I was gasping. I pondered at the dull walls around me, and glanced upon the door of the room Bill was in. “I hate my life,” I confessed.

oh god you really scared me to death, i thought you WERE going to die!!
Keep it up! (not the death, the story)

Ouch... :[[[
Keep it up

Omg it's one of my favorite chapters I really thought it was the end while reading and that scared me too much
I LOVE IT SAS! keep it up! <3

Cofie: oh God i scared myself too lol xP Thank youu
Aaesha: Thanks cutie
Lara: hehe ur becomin emotional dude. and i know why Anywho thanks for liking pwetty

me pwetty? thank u ;D and np sass

awww , great chapter <3 <3
pretty nice n cute
I hope she will come back Germany
or n't to fly to France :'(

keep it up Sarah <3

Ouuuh 7araam if they could only read each others mind :O
Keep it up

Menzi: yeah but is life fair?? nein. and so are fanfictions lol thank uu lovey <3
aaesha: hehe great idea ;D we're not in twilight tho :/ thank u <3