*Try to see world through my eyes

hehe thank you Karen *-*
<3333 ^^

Big 30
i think this is my longest chapter

~ 30TH CHAPTER ~

It's been a tough time for me. I was seeing Tom everyday. Of course, he reminded me of Bill every single time. His words hit me. It was hard trying to forget about the love of my life when he doesn't even care.
I believed Tom's words. And i knew i had to move on. But i wish it would be that easy.
To make everything even worse, Tom was hanging with Lucas all the time. Which means he was hanging with me too.
I literaly wanted to kill myself.
Of course i didn't, it's just an easy way to run away from everything. I didn't want that. I wanted to prove myself and everybody else i can live my life happily.
I knew i could never live without Bill, but i can at least try.
I was hoping it will get by with some time.

It's been a year now since Bill left. My life was getting better with some time. I didn't forget Bill. I didn't forget Bill's face, his touch and the look in his eyes. But at least i learned how to enjoy time spent with my friends. That's what meant the most to me.

Lucas' cousin moved to our neighborhood. He was 2 years older than him (Jelena & me). He was a hip-hop singer. We were hanging with him and he was really funny and nice.
I think Tom was glad seeing me meeting someone new.

We were in the park, on the bench, laughing and talking about school.
Matt (Lucas' cousin) : Lely – he looked at me so sweet – where would you like to go? I mean which country would you like to visit?
-Hmm. I'm not sure. Some country with sea *-* With lots of beaches.
Matt : Haha cool. Me too.
-You?
Matt : I would like to go to… Pariz, London or… Berlin
-Berlin? O.o
Matt : Yup. My grandparents live there. I've never been there so i'd like to go there and visit them and see the city.
I looked down – That's nice.
Tom : Berlin, ha Matt? – he looked at me.
I looked at Tom like 'Please, stop'. He just smiled.
Matt : Yes.
Tom : I really don't know what's so special about Berlin. Leipzig is way better
Matt : Never heard of that city O.o
-You have never heard?
Tom : Oh, Lely's ex-
-My ex FRIEND – i interrupted Tom and looked at him madly – was from Leipzig. But that's not important.
Jelena : Guys, i gotta go now.
Lucas : I'll go with you. Your mom invited me on the pancakes
Tom : Pancakes? You ain't gonna share them with us, a?
Jelena : Don't listen to Lucas, i'm going to visit a doctor.
-Are you fine?
Jelena : Yes, yes. I'll call you later
-Sure.
Matt : Lely, shall we go too?
-Oh, okay =]

We all stood up. Lucas & Jelena went away to Jelena's house, holding hands.
-Umm, Tom, can i talk to you for a second?
Tom : Sure.
-I'll be right back Matt.
Matt : Ok

We went on the side. I looked at Tom really madly.
-What the hell is your problem? What are you trying to do?
Tom : What are you talking about?
-Why did you keep on talking about Berlin and Leipzig when you know that…
Tom : When i know what?
-Don't pretend. You know what and who am i talking about.
Tom : Ohhhh, you mean Bill!
-Repeat that even louder, i think they didn't hear you on the North Pole -.-
Tom :
-Look, i'm just asking you not to talk about… you know…
Tom : Bill
-Yes – i looked away.
Tom : Why? Why can't you say Bill's name?
-Because…
Tom : I thought you got over him. That you have Matt now.
-I never said i got over Bill. I am trying, i am. and Matt is… the first guy i liked since…
Tom : Bill.
-Yes. And please, don't destroy this, maybe Matt could help me. I'd like us to be more closer. I know he's not my type, but… I'm trying. Please, Tom.
Tom : Of course! I told you in the beggining to forget Bill. Be happy Lely
-So why are you making this harder?
Tom : Now, for the first time after a while, you have found somebody. And you seem kinda happy. And that's good, of course. But… maybe… you should keep on looking for guys.
-What do you mean? You don't like Matt or?
Tom : No, he's a great guy. But not the one for you.
-And who is for me?
Tom : I don't know '_'
-Then please leave me alone. I told you i know he's not my type, but i'll give it a chance.
Tom : Lely – i tried to walk away, but he took my hand – i know him, he will hurt you.
I looked at his hand holding mine, not giving me to go – Tom…
He noticed my look and left my hand – I'm sorry. Listen, Lely-
-Bye Tom.
Tom : Le-
-BYE.

I walked away. This was weird. First, he wants me to be happy, to move forward, to give somebody else a chance, but then he wants me to… Ahh, i didn't know what to think anymore.
I came to Matt. He put his hand round my shoulders.
Matt : Is everything ok? – he said a little bit confusedly.
-Yep. Why?
Matt : I don't know. Did you two fight?
-It's not important.
Matt : Are you ok?
I looked at Matt and smiled - Don't worry.
Matt : Ok – he kissed my forehead while walking.
I turned and looked at Tom. He seemed upset. Tom just waved with his head, turned and walked away.

#Later that day – evening#

I was in the cinema with Matt. We were watching a horror movie.
Matt : Are you ok?
-I'm just… a little bit scared – i got closer to him, put my head on his shoulder and hugged his hand.
Matt : I'm here. Forever.

Forever…
Forever…
Forever!
A picture flashed in my head. I saw Bill saying those words in front of my eyes.
Then everything got dark.
I heard somebody saying my name in the background. I realized it was Matt.
Matt : Lely… Lely…
I looked at him confusedly – Matt?
Matt : Yeah – he looked around confusedly – i wanted to ask do you want some popcorns.
-Oh… No, thanks, i'm fine.
Matt : Ok

I continued watching the movie, but Bill's face couldn't go out of my head. Like a memory of him was hunting.

The movie finished. We were walking home. Matt was saying something. But i didn't hear him. I was still thinking about Bill. This was hard. Seems like i'm never going to forget him, move on or stop loving him. Maybe letting him go was a mistake. The biggest mistake of my life. It sucks. My only chance passed.

Matt : Lely, are you listening to me?
-A? what? I… what did you say?
Matt : O.o You didn't hear a word i said
-Matt… I'm sorry =/
Matt : What's wrong? You seem really weird today. What happened with Tom today? Did he try to do something to you? He is a great friend, but if it needs i would beat a crap out of him. Just say it.
-Matt! No, no! You don't need to do that. Everything's just fine – i lied.
Matt : Lely, can i say something? Maybe it's too soon, but i don't care. I just wanna tell you my feelings.
-Matt?

He got closer to me. His face was just a few centimeters farther from mine. I could have heared his heartbeat, feel his breath.
-What are you doing? – i was looking at his lips.
Matt : I love you.

What did he just say? O.o

oh my gosh!!! this is sooooo exciting!!!

I wanna know what happens next!!! I love this!!!

please post soon!!!!! xD <3

Yeah i completely agree with Karen. I need to know what's next so please post soon!!!

owww, thanks guys
i have so much inspiration these days xD
<3<3

This can't be the last chapter...
I mean This MUSTN'T be the last chapter!!!
I wanna see what happens next!!!
It really a beautiful chapter..
And post soon!!!
I love you!!! <33
p.s. Post a pic of matt...

awwwi thanks so much Jelena ^^
of course, that wasn't the last chapter ;]
here goes the new one
i love you!!

~ 31ST CHAPTER ~

Did he just say he loves me? Omg! Omg! Omg! What should i do? O.O
I can't say i love him if i actually don't mean it. And i don't.
So, i just kissed him. Shit! This was a mistake too. What am i going to do now? Kiss him everytime he says 'i love you'? Ufff!
Our lips separated. I looked down.

Matt : Wow!
-Hehe – i put a fake smile on my face while still looking down.
Matt : So it's official now
-What is official? O.o – i looked at him.
Matt : Our relationship – he put his hand round my shoulders and we started walking.
Omg! It's official? What did i do? I'm not ready for a new relationship. And i don't love him. AND AND AND why did i kiss him? O.O This is so complicated. Or maybe it isn't…
Do i like him? – Yes.
Do i need to move on? – Yes.
But…
Am i ready? – No.
Do i love him? – No.
So many thought were passing through my head while we were walking. He was so happy. I looked at him and saw him smiling. He looked at me, so i smiled back.

*In front of my building*

We stoped. I took keys out of my purse.
-So…
Matt : I'll see you tomorrow in school?
-Sure.
Matt : Okay.
-Bye – i smiled, waved and turned to unlock the door of my building.
Matt : Oh, Lely.
-Yeah? – i turned back to him.
Matt : You know, i've been thinking – he got closer and put his hands round my waist.
I looked at his hands – About what?
Matt : Well, we've known each other for about… 2 months?
-Yep.
Matt : And, as i said i love you…
At the moment he said that, i looked away.
Matt : And maybe, you know, i've been thinking, maybe, if you agree, we could move in together.

My world turned for 360° just when he said it. I looked into his eyes. I think he's not lying, he really loves me. It was kind of too much of everything in one day.
I looked down again.
-I'm… I gotta think about it. You know, everything's new for me right now.
Matt : Yes, yes, of course Just take some time, you know i'd wait forever for you.
'And maybe you should' that was my first thought. I obviously didn't get over Bill, he was still in my heart. It was hard to forget somebody who was your first love, somebody you have shared everything with, who supported you in everything and you've loved more than anything in the world.
Uff, but he isn't here anymore. If he really has loved me then… why would he leave me?
For God's sake!
I wasn't sure what to say, so i just smiled – I'll think about it
Matt : Okay honey.

Honey? O.o Okay, okay, Lely, stop thinking through about everything he says.
-Ok.
We kissed each other in a cheek and i entered my building.
I came into my flat. As i was unlocking the door of my flat, i heard my brother yelling – Martin : Call Jelena!
-Ok! – i yelled back. This is how we usually communicate

I phoned Jelena.
Jelena : Yup? – she said as she picked up the phone.
-Good night.
Jelena : I love you too.
-Haha i hate you more
Jelena : I'm glad you called back. I wanted to ask you something.
-Ok, sure. Ask
Jelena : You love Matt?
-What?!
Jelena : I saw you two kissing in front of the cinema.
-Haha that doesn't mean i love him.
Jelena : Does he love you?
-Yeah O.o
Jelena : He does?
-Jelena, that's not good -.-
Jelena : Ow. Then – he does? u_u
-Yes, he loves me. I can't believe this. You know why i kissed him?
Jelena : Because you love him back? O.o
-No! Because i didn't know what to say when he told me this.
Jelena : Maybe, 'i love you too'.
-Are you listening to me?! I don't love him! <.<
Jelena : Then you should have said 'Thank you'
-Or maybe, we should have ran away to Las Vegas and got married.
Jelena : Cool, Elvis would be your priest – she started laughing.
I waited a few moments so she could get serious again.
-Are you fine now?
Jelena : Khm, khm, yes.
-I'm telling you, i'm not sure what to do. He's probably going to say this often and i can't kiss him everytime he says it.
Jelena : But would you like to kiss him everytime?
-You mean…
Jelena : Did you like it?
-Haha i don't know. It was really quick.
Jelena : I saw something else…
-Ok, it lasted a few seconds, but… That doesn't mean we should move in together this second!
Jelena : He asked you to move in with him?
-Yes.
Jelena : Haha, Lucas is going to be thrilled
-Don't say anything to Lucas, please! O.o
Jelena : Why?
-Because Matt is his cousin and he's going to think that i love Matt back, that i got over Bill…
Jelena : You didn't?
-Got over Bill? No, of course not. You thought i did?
Jelena : Well, it's been a year. I know he was your everything, but i thought you forgot him.
-Never. I still love him with whole my heart. Even though, a piece of my heart died with his leaving.
Jelena : Lely, please, stop thinking about Bill! Of course you loved him, who wouldn't? And you cared about him. He was there at the worst moments of your life. But that doesn't mean you should stop living your life. He left! Get over it! Baby, you know i love you so much, and i was always on your side, but this time i think the best for you should be if you would… start loving somebody else. Somebody who's Here now. And Matt… he really cares about you. Don't be blind and not see that.

I was speechless. All that Jelena said was… true.
I Should live my life, get over everything and, maybe… start loving somebody new.
Anf i think, Matt is a great new beginning.


okay, and Jelena wanted a photo of Matt xD
i found some cute guys, but i picked this one ... *haha*


(i know this is Chad Michael Murray, but he was the only cute guy i found that's actually looking like a hip-hoper xD And usually, he isn't my type [as i said in the story] but he's cute )

omg!! that was a great chapter!!! really awesome!!
keep it up!!! xD your a great writer!!! i really love your fic!! <3 xD

I can't believe you kissed him what have you done?! Are you crazy?! nvm jk
Post next chapter soon!!

@Karen : thank you thank you thank you ^^ it means a lot to me <3
@Sophie : haha I'm sorry .. thanks <3

Nice chapterr <33
Keep it up :]

thank you honey<3

See... I'm always right!!! u_u
and LOL!!!....Matt is Chad Michael Murray...
I laughed so much on this part:
Jelena : Yup? – she said as she picked up the phone.
-Good night.
Jelena : I love you too.
-Haha i hate you more
It's so funny...:DD
I love you baby.... Post soon... <333

haha you are be proud
haha i couldn't find any other good photo xD
ahaha thanks xD my fav. part
i love you! <3
*btw, i'm writing a new chapter*

Wiiiiiiiii!!!!
as you said... Hate you more sweetie!!! <33

hahahaha yay!
me mroe <333

:DD Tonight new chapter???

more*
umm today probably

Hey guys, i know i didn't pot my chapter as i said i would yesterday <.<
But i've been really busy with everythig these days.
Well, finally, here it goes ->

~ 32ND CHAPTER ~

It was Friday morning. I was just getting ready for school – clothes, hair, make-up.Then my phone rang.
-Shit! – i was putting on the eyeliner.
I picked up the phone – Hi Matt.
Matt : Hey – he said happily – can i pick you up? I mean we could go to school together.
-Well, i usually go to school with Jelena. But guess she wouldn't mind. Sure. In 15 minutes in the park.
Matt : Okay. Bye – he hung up.
This was weird. Well, anyway, i didn't think about it much. I just kept on getting ready.

I was in front of my building now. Just standing. Alone. It was raining heavily. No, i still wasn't all wet because there was a larmier above the building's entrance.
But i was just standing there speechless, looking up into the sky.
-What did i do wrong? Why? Why rain? Why today?
Matt : I think God won't answer you – i heard Matt's voice behind me.
I turned. He was standing there with an umbrella.
-Hey. What are you doing here? Ain't you in the park?
Matt : You want me to be all wet? 'cuase if you do, i'll stand on the rain. And my shirt will be limpid, a? ;D
-Haha no need – i smiled, looked down and got closer to him.
Matt : Shall we?
-Yep ^^

We walked hand in hand under the umbrella.
-Ow, Jelena! We gotta wait for her.
Matt : She already went with Lucas.
-Ow… Ok.
Matt : You seem like a person that doesn't like rain.
- Well, not really.
Matt : Why?
-Well… - 'because that's how i met Bill, 'cause that was the day i first saw Peter, 'cause…' - I like sun more – i smiled, but there were so many thoughts in my head.

I ain't gonna think about it today. Nothing's going to destroy this day. It was supposed to be a great day, and it IS going to be. I won't think about Bill, my past or anything else. I'm just going to enjoy this day with Matt, our first day Together.
It sounded a bit strange saying 'in a relationship' after some time, but it felt good.

We came into the school.
Somebody whistled 'WOW!' as we arrived.
We were coming closer to Jelena & Lucas. They started smiling and looking at us. I looked at Matt – Why are everybody staring at us?
Matt : You mean at you? – he looked at me – because you're so damn pretty.
I looked down and blushed – Well thank you.
He smiled and looked at Lucas.
They greeted. Jelena & I went on a side. We started smiling.
Jelena : Wow, you two look so cute together.
-You think?
Jelena : Ohh, yeah. And you actually seem happy.
-Because… I think i am – i turned and looked at Matt now.
He was talking with his friends. They were laughing and i just realized he has a beautiful smile.
-I am…

Jelena : So, you love him?
I fastly aimed my look at Jelena – What? Oh, i'm not so sure about that. I mean, for now, i love him as a friend. But…
Jelena : Well, that's not so important right now – she started walking throught the hall, i followed her.
-Where are you going?
Jelena : I found something hanged on your locker.
-Yeah? What?
Jelena : Some letter.
-Did you open it?
Jelena : What do you think who am i? I don't touch people's private things.
-Hahaha yeah, right.
Jelena : <.< Ok, i opened it.
-What's written?
Jelena : You'll see.

We came to our lockers. She opened hers and took out a letter.
Jelena : Here – she gave me the letter while looking at me seriously.
-O.o i hope somebody didn't die.
Jelena : Nope, nobody died.
I looked at Jelena sarcasticly – Thanks.

I opened the letter.
Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!!!
I was looking at the letter with a scared look on my face.
-Jelena… - i looked at her.
Jelena : =/
Guys came to us.
Matt : What's up? – he put his hand round my shoulders.
Then he saw Jelena & I were serious and his smile lost.
Matt : What's wrong?
I looked at Jelena first, and then at Matt – We gotta talk later.
Matt : Ok.

We all went to our classrooms and Matt went out of school, on his collage (he's 2 years older, if you forgot ).

#School brake#

I was at the cafeteria with Jelena & Lucas.
Lucas : So what happened?
Jelena looked at me. I looked back at her and then put my look down.
-I… got a subpoena.
Lucas : What?! O.O What did you do?
-It's about that what happened with… that guy Peter. Last year.
Lucas : The one who commited suicide?
Jelena waved in a sign of 'yes'.
Lucas : Something new happened?
-No. They are just still research about that incident.
Jelena : Incident? -.-
-And now i have to testify. And everybody else who knew anything about it. Means…
Lucas : Jelena & I too?
-I'm sorry.
Lucas : This sucks.
Jelena : Lely, and what about…?
-Bill?
Jelena : <.< Yes.
-I have no idea. I ain't gonna call him to make it easier to me or something. But my biggest problem now is Matt. I'm not sure how to say this to him.
Jelena : You think he would get upset about Bill?
Lucas : Don't worry 'bout him, i'll talk to him.
-Really? Thank you so so much. I have so many problems right now. Final grades, this stupid subpoena, thinking about the collage…
Jelena : Just calm down.

In that moment, school bell rang.
-Shit, i gotta go to my class. English
Lucas : P.E.
Jelena : I have History so both of you shut up.
Lucas & Lely :

-Bye guys. See you later.
I came into my classroom and just sat on my place, when i heard Lucas yelling something to me.
Lucas : Ohhh, Lely, i forgot to tell you somethiiinngg!!!
-What? – my teacher was closing the classroom's door, so i didn't hear Lucas saying what he forgot.
I guessed it wasn't so important, he can wait an hour. I stopped thinking about it. Then my teacher made an announcement.
Teacher : Class, today we have a guest. He came all the way from Germany just to tell you about their way of schooling. So listen very carefully, we'll talk about it later. Ok? So, are you ready?

Germany, ha? Awesome <.<
Karla, a girl who was sitting next me in the first row, started laughing a little bit.
Then a teacher went outside to invite that German guy in.
Karla & I were talking about something else. We didn't even see when he came in.
Teacher : Class, this is Bill.
Bill : Hi.
I was drawing in my notebook. I didn't even look up 'cause i wasn't interested about Germany so much. Then, i heard his voice.
-Oh my… O.O – i said while still looking at my notebook.
Karla : Lely, this is…
Bill : Lely…

Hahah...I'm baddddddddddddd !!!! I opened your letter...
umm...Wow!!! Bill?!?!?
What is he doing here?!?!?!
I'm so curious to know!!!!
OMG OMG OMG.....I can't wait.........
NEXT CHAPTER SOON PLEASEEEEEE!!!!
LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!1 <33333333

awww thanks <3
hahaha bad Jeleno

hope i'll be able to write it tomorrow
love you too!!<3<3

Hhahah...Now I'm Bad JelenO???

hahah of course

omg!!!! thsi is getting soooooooooo darn interesting!!!!!!
my heart is beating so fast!!! haha!!! i love it!!! <3

keep it up and please post very sooooon!!!! hehehe i cant wait!!! xD

haha
thanksss thanksss
i love youuu all!! ^^<3